The other day some relative of mine wanted some tips on how to crack CAT and how life has changed in a B school. I told her , honestly even I don’t know what brought me here and what is keeping me here , so ended up giving her some advice which I myself was not sure of still pretended as if that was the best for her to do. A typical consulting scenario. That’s what this place has made me. We have learnt to compromise in some way with the way things turn up for us.
Personally I feel as confused as I was when I came here even today on what to do. There’s something about the place may be, it just forces us all to be what we are not! I realized it in one week, tried to keep myself away from the bug, but for how long is what worries me! When I saw people changing in split seconds, focus and loyalties changing, as if a complete restructure had occurred. Strange it has been!
They say B school is all about the knowledge you gain, not just inside the classroom but more on the outside! I completely agree with it! Think this is one belief that has not been broken yet. Apart from that, the hype, the hollowness of this sphere and the reality inside is little worrying! Do they make good managers?
When people get evaluated on their skills to retain the X line written in the Y course packet of the Z subject,
When choices of subjects is governed by the amount of grade point they can make,
When behaviors change around us at the rate of thousands of emotions per second and you don’t know who to trust,
When you receive the biggest blow on your confidence and still are ready to fight it out,
When sleep stops coming to you and you can’t sleep even though you want to,
When the conflict between your hopes and achievements becomes stronger,
When you compromise your own self to live up to a set of expectations and end up doing something you never thought you could ever do,
That’s when you realize, you are in a B – school…
Don’t know how much of it has occurred to me though! And don’t know the extent to which it will go!
The fight as I said!! Is ON
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Just Like That!!
So finally it has sunk in! I have nothing more to loose now. Anyway I go from here on has to be upwards. But to think of it , why did I enter the B school in the first place? Just like that , comes the reply if I put this question to myself. Was I even prepared for it? Was the timing right? Still many more questions need to be answered and I’m trying to figure that out.
The base is not right may be. Why Engineering first? I asked again , Just like that comes the reply. Not that I was some harbinger of a technological breakthrough. So then why? And after 4 years of reassurance that it was not my calling , why the core technical job? Just like that again!!
Strange are the ways of life. I don’t know how choices are made. Marketing tells me , it is based on some marginal valuation of utility. But how to decide the reference point? Economics makes more sense may be especially the law of diminishing returns. After we achieve a target , it looses its value. How much effort I may have put to reach my goal, it looses importance once I get there. Why then do I play this dangerous game again. I keep running after something , knowing it will loose its charm in the end. Still we are all running!
Time and again , which way will I go now? What lies ahead! What am I striving for?
I am running again…
But why?
Just like that ! Comes the reply!!
The base is not right may be. Why Engineering first? I asked again , Just like that comes the reply. Not that I was some harbinger of a technological breakthrough. So then why? And after 4 years of reassurance that it was not my calling , why the core technical job? Just like that again!!
Strange are the ways of life. I don’t know how choices are made. Marketing tells me , it is based on some marginal valuation of utility. But how to decide the reference point? Economics makes more sense may be especially the law of diminishing returns. After we achieve a target , it looses its value. How much effort I may have put to reach my goal, it looses importance once I get there. Why then do I play this dangerous game again. I keep running after something , knowing it will loose its charm in the end. Still we are all running!
Time and again , which way will I go now? What lies ahead! What am I striving for?
I am running again…
But why?
Just like that ! Comes the reply!!
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
Circle of Life!
As I stand at this crossroad,
Waiting to choose my direction
I recall I was here, not very long ago,
As if it were some reflection
It’s like the chorus of a song,
The sound of the chime
Life is one full circle
Comes back with time
I chose the path most trodden
Not knowing where it would lead
Nurture hopes of the world around me
Apprehensive whether I would succeed
But didn’t take much time to realize
That it was a misfit
And trust & honesty were,
But meaningless words
I moved on with my set of wounds
Longing for a pair of wings
Jealous of birds
To fly away in the vastness
To go to the land I want
Where nobody questions me
Sans past memories to haunt
But such is the irony of fate
I am brought back to the same gate
The time and context has changed
And so has the emotional state
It all seems same on the outside
“Which way to go now”, echoing inside
Like the chorus of a song, like the sound of the chime
Life is a circle, comes back with time!
Hoping this time I won’t make a mistake
I’ll choose a new path, and call it mine
Waiting to choose my direction
I recall I was here, not very long ago,
As if it were some reflection
It’s like the chorus of a song,
The sound of the chime
Life is one full circle
Comes back with time
I chose the path most trodden
Not knowing where it would lead
Nurture hopes of the world around me
Apprehensive whether I would succeed
But didn’t take much time to realize
That it was a misfit
And trust & honesty were,
But meaningless words
I moved on with my set of wounds
Longing for a pair of wings
Jealous of birds
To fly away in the vastness
To go to the land I want
Where nobody questions me
Sans past memories to haunt
But such is the irony of fate
I am brought back to the same gate
The time and context has changed
And so has the emotional state
It all seems same on the outside
“Which way to go now”, echoing inside
Like the chorus of a song, like the sound of the chime
Life is a circle, comes back with time!
Hoping this time I won’t make a mistake
I’ll choose a new path, and call it mine
Sunday, November 18, 2007
The summer of 2008…
One week of blood and sweat
Sounds somewhat similar to the famous Summer of 69’ by Bryan Adams—Memorable yes it is indeed
But the inspiration to him wouldn’t have been better than what I have to say! To me the catalyst is an event which is one of the most look forward to as well as one of the most dreaded ones in a place that I am right now in! Didn’t know it will be so full of emotions! Saw the strongest of them break down and the most unexpected stand up to the difficult situations with commendable resilience! It was one experience in itself which I will never forget! As each day passed by I saw so much! So many things I never knew do exist! Sometimes overjoyed at a feat and the very next moment felt terrible at a disappointment! And all of it happening so fast and in cycles that with each day passing by I felt I was a stronger person.
Day zero to 1 – 2 – 3, the energy levels followed a decreasing trend as each day passed by. Saw some people devastated completely, moving from one interview room to another, some still waiting for a chance to be interviewed. All dressed up in business suits with resumes in hand and dreams in their eyes to fulfill. But a lot of these dreams were shattered! There were some surprises and some shocks! But in the end what stood out was the spirit with which the whole batch got together. Each one was standing up for their friends, some volunteering to help the seniors who were there with us throughout! I would not mention the figures, neither the companies here as I know they were the best to be reported to any news channel but none of them would know the hard work that people put in to make that happen. I had only heard of the experiences of a summer placement process at an IIM. Now I can say that one has to experience it to know what it is.
Met many new people, made new friends, and realized that it is better not to keep many expectations because you never know what life has in store for you. So be ready to accept what life offers you and and then give it your best shot. I have learnt a lot of “Globe-ing” here I guess, but that is how I will put it!
Would thank all those who stood by each other and all those who put in efforts for us!! I am already 1/6th of an MBA and there’s so much more to learn here and so much to absorb!!!
Sounds somewhat similar to the famous Summer of 69’ by Bryan Adams—Memorable yes it is indeed
But the inspiration to him wouldn’t have been better than what I have to say! To me the catalyst is an event which is one of the most look forward to as well as one of the most dreaded ones in a place that I am right now in! Didn’t know it will be so full of emotions! Saw the strongest of them break down and the most unexpected stand up to the difficult situations with commendable resilience! It was one experience in itself which I will never forget! As each day passed by I saw so much! So many things I never knew do exist! Sometimes overjoyed at a feat and the very next moment felt terrible at a disappointment! And all of it happening so fast and in cycles that with each day passing by I felt I was a stronger person.
Day zero to 1 – 2 – 3, the energy levels followed a decreasing trend as each day passed by. Saw some people devastated completely, moving from one interview room to another, some still waiting for a chance to be interviewed. All dressed up in business suits with resumes in hand and dreams in their eyes to fulfill. But a lot of these dreams were shattered! There were some surprises and some shocks! But in the end what stood out was the spirit with which the whole batch got together. Each one was standing up for their friends, some volunteering to help the seniors who were there with us throughout! I would not mention the figures, neither the companies here as I know they were the best to be reported to any news channel but none of them would know the hard work that people put in to make that happen. I had only heard of the experiences of a summer placement process at an IIM. Now I can say that one has to experience it to know what it is.
Met many new people, made new friends, and realized that it is better not to keep many expectations because you never know what life has in store for you. So be ready to accept what life offers you and and then give it your best shot. I have learnt a lot of “Globe-ing” here I guess, but that is how I will put it!
Would thank all those who stood by each other and all those who put in efforts for us!! I am already 1/6th of an MBA and there’s so much more to learn here and so much to absorb!!!
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
On Trust!!
“I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much.” -- Mother Teresa
Saturday, September 15, 2007
Such is life..
You wake up one morning ,with the will to take on the world , thinking that today is a new day and I shall start all over again! With learnings from the past , I move on. And then as the day unfolds I realise that things are not going my way again! Sometimes , I get helpless and don’t know what to say , what to do , when Murphy’s law starts taking its toll on me! Me being the subject! And Murphy mocking at me and playing his tricks!
When the struggle between ideology and reality is won by reality! When I think something , do something and the final interpretation is something completely different. When suddenly it seems that it would be difficult to go on! When my faith in my own capabilities starts shattering, when I seem to be misunderstood everywhere! Whatever we do comes back to us , so then I feel how could I be so wrong somewhere? That all this is happening to me! Must have been a real sinner or a criminal and I curse myself for reasons even not clear to me! They say whatever happens , is for our good! So I try to find the goodness in everything! Probably a consolation that the next day will be a better one. But today is over! Another day of failures to teach me the lessons of life.And as the night paints the sky black , I look up in hope that a new day will come ! When I’ll have more control on life! And that is how it goes on ,
May be one day all this wont matter to me much,
but right now i am waiting for the Midas' touch,
such is life , life is such…
When the struggle between ideology and reality is won by reality! When I think something , do something and the final interpretation is something completely different. When suddenly it seems that it would be difficult to go on! When my faith in my own capabilities starts shattering, when I seem to be misunderstood everywhere! Whatever we do comes back to us , so then I feel how could I be so wrong somewhere? That all this is happening to me! Must have been a real sinner or a criminal and I curse myself for reasons even not clear to me! They say whatever happens , is for our good! So I try to find the goodness in everything! Probably a consolation that the next day will be a better one. But today is over! Another day of failures to teach me the lessons of life.And as the night paints the sky black , I look up in hope that a new day will come ! When I’ll have more control on life! And that is how it goes on ,
May be one day all this wont matter to me much,
but right now i am waiting for the Midas' touch,
such is life , life is such…
Sunday, September 9, 2007
Who is there Beside?
As the darkness shrouds the light
The clock shows the time,its night
The soul wanders in the mist
Looking for a safe place to hide
Suddenly it senses,
Someone is standing beside.
When the whole world seems an illusion
when my picture of self faces discoloration
The spirit feels, feels orphaned without a guide
When diffidence takes its stride
I still wonder ,
Who is standing beside?
Then hope conquers all fears
Then laughter vanquishes all tears
When He rescues my incarcerated spirit
And takes it to a higher limit
When words lose significance and emotions are tacit
When his lambency shatters the blanket of night
And my wings flutter now , they are untied
There is no one ,
nobody is standing beside
Then I hear him call me but cant find him
I can still hear ,
This time the voices are coming from Inside
The clock shows the time,its night
The soul wanders in the mist
Looking for a safe place to hide
Suddenly it senses,
Someone is standing beside.
When the whole world seems an illusion
when my picture of self faces discoloration
The spirit feels, feels orphaned without a guide
When diffidence takes its stride
I still wonder ,
Who is standing beside?
Then hope conquers all fears
Then laughter vanquishes all tears
When He rescues my incarcerated spirit
And takes it to a higher limit
When words lose significance and emotions are tacit
When his lambency shatters the blanket of night
And my wings flutter now , they are untied
There is no one ,
nobody is standing beside
Then I hear him call me but cant find him
I can still hear ,
This time the voices are coming from Inside
Thursday, September 6, 2007
The thin line
There’s a thin line between …
What I want to be and want not
My freedom and my limitations
Love and fatal attraction
Jealousy and envy
Self respect and self pity
Aplomb and complacency
An everlasting caress and a life long scar
A memory for life and a moment of happiness
A soul mate and a companion..
There’s a thin line between my resilience and my flexibility..
What I want to be and want not
My freedom and my limitations
Love and fatal attraction
Jealousy and envy
Self respect and self pity
Aplomb and complacency
An everlasting caress and a life long scar
A memory for life and a moment of happiness
A soul mate and a companion..
There’s a thin line between my resilience and my flexibility..
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Here I come...
Another crossroad in this journey called life,
Another choice to make , another test to pass..
Another story strung up in my garland of tales,
Do I stand and look back at the path I treaded?
Or I move ahead,
Taking the memories of a lifetime with me,
What do I carry forward from here?
Darkness and scars or the canvass I painted with hope ..
Trailers of the past or dreams for the future?
Whatever happened , was meant to be..and
Whatever was worth , was worth all the while..
A few hearts broken , some lessons learnt
Time is the power player here, it changes so frequently,
And now it has put me to a new direction,
Towards a new horizon,
I don’t know whether I am right or wrong,
I have memories to retrospect ,
Snapshots to cherish and the road ahead to move on…
Here I come!
Another choice to make , another test to pass..
Another story strung up in my garland of tales,
Do I stand and look back at the path I treaded?
Or I move ahead,
Taking the memories of a lifetime with me,
What do I carry forward from here?
Darkness and scars or the canvass I painted with hope ..
Trailers of the past or dreams for the future?
Whatever happened , was meant to be..and
Whatever was worth , was worth all the while..
A few hearts broken , some lessons learnt
Time is the power player here, it changes so frequently,
And now it has put me to a new direction,
Towards a new horizon,
I don’t know whether I am right or wrong,
I have memories to retrospect ,
Snapshots to cherish and the road ahead to move on…
Here I come!
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Ground Zero
Sometimes I wonder that our mind just rambles so much. So many parts are clustered in one little 2kgs of mass which is the topic of study for so many people. But still so much of it is hidden from our selves. Sometimes when I am in the midst of a conversation one part of the mind is concentrating on the current discussion, another part is thinking of an experience I recently had and the plethora of emotions following it . The other part is wandering in the fantasy world which is the doorway to my hidden desires , those which are within me, those I would never like to tell anybody . Those that our only mine. Another part is planning for the future , what after this , where do I go from here? What lies ahead . Another part is analyzing the behavior of those around me, and trying to make sense out of the unspoken words. Looking at the new attire of the person and longing for same , thinking of my favorite food that I ate such a long time ago, planning to buy a new pair of shoes may be…
Sometimes people ask me the cliché question ..”What are you thinking ?” and my answer goes – Nothing –just blank!
I don’t think I am honest when I say that! May be I don’t want to express the thoughts then, may be it’s the sinful part of the mind that is on work at that moment or may be the very personal space I don’t want to keep to myself!
But what it would be like to have a mind without any thoughts , I sometimes call it looking in the zero!What would have been the state when I was born? What is going in the mind of a new born life that has just entered this puzzle called life? Will I ever experience that state , when my mind will be sans thoughts , sans people , sans judgements , sans opinions….sans Substance….
Sometimes people ask me the cliché question ..”What are you thinking ?” and my answer goes – Nothing –just blank!
I don’t think I am honest when I say that! May be I don’t want to express the thoughts then, may be it’s the sinful part of the mind that is on work at that moment or may be the very personal space I don’t want to keep to myself!
But what it would be like to have a mind without any thoughts , I sometimes call it looking in the zero!What would have been the state when I was born? What is going in the mind of a new born life that has just entered this puzzle called life? Will I ever experience that state , when my mind will be sans thoughts , sans people , sans judgements , sans opinions….sans Substance….
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Facts of Life..
I am listing down some facts which I have always found true in the events I have witnessed around me, in my experiences!
These are only applicable to me and that’s how they are here! Any resemblance to anybody is purely co incidental..
1) When it rains then the whole environment tends to get happier! As if the nature wants us all to get happier ..Forget all the pre occupations we have all the stress and just feel the soothing effect on us!! The rain has always elevated my mood however dull I may feel! And one of the best things of coming to Bangalore is the rain here! It just rains for no reason here ! Amazing it is.
2) A majority of people in this world are more concerned about other’s lives than their own! Because probably they enjoy seeing other people also suffer. And in most of the times they can’t stand the fact that somebody is happier than them. Human psyche it is, we feel better to think of someone who is on a lower ground as we are! And a lot of thinkers and wise men also propagate the fact..It amuses me!!! Each one of us has a story of life and everybody is interested in knowing other’s stories rather that making theirs’ a fairy tale..
3) Some times in life you come across your alter ego!! When u see those things happening that you had anticipated to say or do! Its really weird, coz then u feel that somehow your thoughts are being read by someone else!! Suddenly somebody very identical to you in the thought processes will know whats on your mind!
4) If I long for something for a long time then whenever I get that, it tends to loose its charisma! Just the next moment. Like simple things such as a good nights sleep after the exams! I was literally longing to sleep for at least 24hrs after the mid terms!! But I ended up staying awake the whole night.
5) The best philosophy that keeps me happy is not to expect anything from anyone, so in a way whatever you get back is a bonus. I have started following this religiously and it really helps.
6) In the matters of conflict between the heart and the mind, I always want to follow my heart but most of the times end up choosing the latter which I regret later!!
7) I feel love is the most misunderstood and over rated word which we use so often and replace ably for so many other expressions! Don’t know how sense that made!
8) I feel the biggest achievement for me will be to transform a life and touch a few hearts(very few ).My biggest treasure is the trust and faith that people who matter to me have in me , no matter what I do!
These are only applicable to me and that’s how they are here! Any resemblance to anybody is purely co incidental..
1) When it rains then the whole environment tends to get happier! As if the nature wants us all to get happier ..Forget all the pre occupations we have all the stress and just feel the soothing effect on us!! The rain has always elevated my mood however dull I may feel! And one of the best things of coming to Bangalore is the rain here! It just rains for no reason here ! Amazing it is.
2) A majority of people in this world are more concerned about other’s lives than their own! Because probably they enjoy seeing other people also suffer. And in most of the times they can’t stand the fact that somebody is happier than them. Human psyche it is, we feel better to think of someone who is on a lower ground as we are! And a lot of thinkers and wise men also propagate the fact..It amuses me!!! Each one of us has a story of life and everybody is interested in knowing other’s stories rather that making theirs’ a fairy tale..
3) Some times in life you come across your alter ego!! When u see those things happening that you had anticipated to say or do! Its really weird, coz then u feel that somehow your thoughts are being read by someone else!! Suddenly somebody very identical to you in the thought processes will know whats on your mind!
4) If I long for something for a long time then whenever I get that, it tends to loose its charisma! Just the next moment. Like simple things such as a good nights sleep after the exams! I was literally longing to sleep for at least 24hrs after the mid terms!! But I ended up staying awake the whole night.
5) The best philosophy that keeps me happy is not to expect anything from anyone, so in a way whatever you get back is a bonus. I have started following this religiously and it really helps.
6) In the matters of conflict between the heart and the mind, I always want to follow my heart but most of the times end up choosing the latter which I regret later!!
7) I feel love is the most misunderstood and over rated word which we use so often and replace ably for so many other expressions! Don’t know how sense that made!
8) I feel the biggest achievement for me will be to transform a life and touch a few hearts(very few ).My biggest treasure is the trust and faith that people who matter to me have in me , no matter what I do!
Saturday, July 21, 2007
Colourful Emotions…
I love colours around me..
Each of them offers a different emotional high to me!..
Black— dunno why they call black to be the devils' colour..it has a very distinctive n stylish elegance to it.. It gives me the spirit to lead! N I feel the most confident when I wear black!! Somehow it infuses that in me!! Mom doesn’t like me wear black.. though..
White:- Wow.sometimes I wish everything around me would turn white. It feels so pure..It seems as if I get to make the rules now. Write whatever I want on the book of life. Actually white represents the gap between the radical mind and the impetuous heart. And I fill it with lots of smiles and not allow tears anywhere.I fill it with honesty , and leave no room for hypocrisy and malice. White infuses a serene kind of satisfaction in me!!Oh how much I admire the sensuality of Simi Garewal for her unending love for whites..
Green:- Few of my friends even branded me a Pakistani for my affinity to the green colour! But green to me, is so lively and optimistic. The freshly washed trees with the rain, the beautiful fields all clad in green give me a lot of hope! To fight and to stand up against all odds. Just like they do! Green to me , represents youth! And the power that the young minds have.
Yellow:- Yellow represents brightness. It represents light. Once I tried looking straight at the sun , and how it stared back at me. I feel the sun is the most powerful thing in this universe.And so yellow reminds to tap the hidden potential.And explore continuously! There is always room for improvement!
Pink:- Pink simply feels innocent. The new born babies are pink in colour. Oh how beautiful the tiny fingers and the even more miniature finger nails look. I am thinking of the time when I first looked at my nephew when he was born. It was the most beautiful emotion I had ever experienced. Remember every bit of it. Pink is simply unblemished and angelic, just like a life that has just come into existence.
Red:- Red is so fiery. I like it though. Somehow it induces a superiority feeling in me! Weird it is though.
Oh I missed the most important one:- Blue- Blue is as magnanimous as the deep blue oceans. It has larger than life image.Subtle but supreme!! That’s what blue is!
There are so many colors now as I have started thinking of them.Some blended to make new ones .Just like relations in life.Some we cherish forever and some teach us so many thing. All of them blended together make up the canvas of life.
Thursday, July 19, 2007
The beautiful rain
Its raining today.. raining since evening.
The weather has become colder. And as I look out in the dark , the water making its impact on the ground. The trees staring silently , the birds all crouching in the branches , the darkness taking its toll. Its all silent out today.Nature having a good time and me a mere spectator. As if it has control on everybody today!
Sometimes I feel , so small infront of the big universe around me! The rain , the trees , the night , the sun , the dawn , the sunset ..All have so much power .And me , so powerless.At times I have felt so helpless when I sense some other control on me!When what I want to do is not what I actually end up doing.When emotions take control of the mind.When the conflict between the heart and mind is won by the heart.But I think emotions are more honest than the mind!The mind manipulates..according to some unreasonable norms of right and wrong!!
But it’s the heart which is a true reflection of the persona!!!
I am still thinking while its the raining continues ..
Emotions overcoming the mind!!Pouring from all over within and taking control today!No more artificial thinking ..plain truth !
Its still raining outside…
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
This too shall pass..
The last few days have been so absorbing.As if I had all the studies to finish in this world.Getting lil sleep, eating not very good food, missing family in between many times!and then so many deadlines to beat!Trying to devise methods to beat the system before it gets its hands on me!!But still am not good enough!Just lingering on!Telling myself everyday , that this too shall pass!!!
Monday, July 16, 2007
The real Winner..
I recently met this family on my way to Bangalore..The lil daughter they had was suffering from some heart disease..she was so frail n thin .Looked completely malnourished..and as a result of the illness her nails and lips had turned blue..On talking to the family , it was evident the pain they were suffering from, and as I looked in the eyes of that child I could make out the uneasiness she felt , now that I knew of her illness…
N me..I almost had tears in my eyes..I couldn’t look straight in her eyes .It seemed she had a lot of questions which I could not answer..
And for the rest of the journey I kept thinking of her , what life has instore for her..
And felt a sudden pain and compassion for her...Had never felt such a thing before.Not even when I saw beggars on the street..I guess.. probably coz they find it an easy way not to fight and just go ahead with the flow…
But that young girl taught me what it is to fight…
Will never forget that experience…
N me..I almost had tears in my eyes..I couldn’t look straight in her eyes .It seemed she had a lot of questions which I could not answer..
And for the rest of the journey I kept thinking of her , what life has instore for her..
And felt a sudden pain and compassion for her...Had never felt such a thing before.Not even when I saw beggars on the street..I guess.. probably coz they find it an easy way not to fight and just go ahead with the flow…
But that young girl taught me what it is to fight…
Will never forget that experience…
Saturday, July 14, 2007
Am I really sure??
These days I am doing a lot of thinking.Trying to find out what I like and what I don’t.This is the first thing we were told to do once we joined IIMB..And this thought process takes me long back in history when I started taking my own decisions..sometime when I was 13yrs old. The teenage syndrome did struck me also..So I am still thinking what makes me happy and what puts me off…
And hoping to reach a conclusion soon because then I have to find my passion….one thing being hyped so much as a part of the B school culture again..(sometimes I am not really sure what brought me here..passion…no coz I still haven’t found one..then destiny???..) One word we use very loosely…Destiny…I recently got some information on the importance of destiny n its relevance..m still deriving my insights from it..Never mind…Before I get into those philosophical moods of thinking insanely on weirdities of life..let me get back to business….
I was asked a very relevant question lately..what is that we are sure of in life?I did have an answer at that time..that well we can be sure of ourselves atleast if not the world..but then on introspection I realised I was wrong..yes..one cant be sure of anything!!Coz this morning when I got up with swollen eyes(again a part of the B school life…sleeplessness) I had abstained myself from doing certain things…and a devil that I am..I did exactly that!!Nw I am not going into the details of what those were, but the truth is even after excercising control on my will I was helpless..
So do I lack determination? Well I would not like to admit that…I leave this thought here only and will try to find an answer to that question again…what are we sure of in life??
I started to write about myself and ended up landing nowhere..well that is the biggest quality I have..Either I am convinced or I am confused!!!...
And hoping to reach a conclusion soon because then I have to find my passion….one thing being hyped so much as a part of the B school culture again..(sometimes I am not really sure what brought me here..passion…no coz I still haven’t found one..then destiny???..) One word we use very loosely…Destiny…I recently got some information on the importance of destiny n its relevance..m still deriving my insights from it..Never mind…Before I get into those philosophical moods of thinking insanely on weirdities of life..let me get back to business….
I was asked a very relevant question lately..what is that we are sure of in life?I did have an answer at that time..that well we can be sure of ourselves atleast if not the world..but then on introspection I realised I was wrong..yes..one cant be sure of anything!!Coz this morning when I got up with swollen eyes(again a part of the B school life…sleeplessness) I had abstained myself from doing certain things…and a devil that I am..I did exactly that!!Nw I am not going into the details of what those were, but the truth is even after excercising control on my will I was helpless..
So do I lack determination? Well I would not like to admit that…I leave this thought here only and will try to find an answer to that question again…what are we sure of in life??
I started to write about myself and ended up landing nowhere..well that is the biggest quality I have..Either I am convinced or I am confused!!!...
Sunday, July 8, 2007
Knowing myself!!
This is a really scary question ..Because the time one takes to think about the answer tells u that ..u don’t have a chance to get this one..
Funny..And I thot of actually finding the answer..Not that I plan to tread on the path of gaining spiritualism , just trying to find who am I..
1)I love to talk to people and analyse their behaviour..I mean I can actually waste hours thinking about certain conversations which do leave an impact on me.Which has taken a back seat lately but still I do indulge in occasionally.I love to mimick people…No offences intended…its habits that I imitate not the persona!!!But its fun!!
2)Good food is something that I can’t leave for anything, however important the work I am doing , if I come to know that , it is between food and me , I ditch the work and go for food..I think a very basic instinct…but doesn’t say much about me!!
3)I enjoy nature very much..I mean feeling the breeze through me energizes me and I instantly smile and admire the beauty of nature.. I love to smell all sorts of flowers in the garden..(of course with some basic knowledge of which ones to go near to)
4)The whole concept of life n the world coming into existence amuses me!I still don’t understand why? what was the need of human evolution when all that humans did was destroy what they got!!
I am again deviating from the topic..
Getting back..
5)I very easily allow my imagination to fly in a completely different world.This mostly happens if I am not able to relate to the present situation I am witnessing..Especially in lectures..these days..which is playing havoc with my life here….but guess that is natural since I am getting back to academics after a gap of 2yrs.
6) I love to spend time kids.They have all sorts of weird concepts about things around us.An its their innocence that I admire.I like to play their kiddish games like the very famous princes in the palace esp little girls.I happened to overhear a conversation between some girls staying in my colony.All aged between 6-10 years.Man I couldnt resist laughing.Their notions of the world are so funny but sweet.So I never let the little girl die inside me!
Oh I feel so strange..not a single point that I have written makes me feel proud of myself…but that’s how I am..n for once ..i gotta be honest to myself…
Funny..And I thot of actually finding the answer..Not that I plan to tread on the path of gaining spiritualism , just trying to find who am I..
1)I love to talk to people and analyse their behaviour..I mean I can actually waste hours thinking about certain conversations which do leave an impact on me.Which has taken a back seat lately but still I do indulge in occasionally.I love to mimick people…No offences intended…its habits that I imitate not the persona!!!But its fun!!
2)Good food is something that I can’t leave for anything, however important the work I am doing , if I come to know that , it is between food and me , I ditch the work and go for food..I think a very basic instinct…but doesn’t say much about me!!
3)I enjoy nature very much..I mean feeling the breeze through me energizes me and I instantly smile and admire the beauty of nature.. I love to smell all sorts of flowers in the garden..(of course with some basic knowledge of which ones to go near to)
4)The whole concept of life n the world coming into existence amuses me!I still don’t understand why? what was the need of human evolution when all that humans did was destroy what they got!!
I am again deviating from the topic..
Getting back..
5)I very easily allow my imagination to fly in a completely different world.This mostly happens if I am not able to relate to the present situation I am witnessing..Especially in lectures..these days..which is playing havoc with my life here….but guess that is natural since I am getting back to academics after a gap of 2yrs.
6) I love to spend time kids.They have all sorts of weird concepts about things around us.An its their innocence that I admire.I like to play their kiddish games like the very famous princes in the palace esp little girls.I happened to overhear a conversation between some girls staying in my colony.All aged between 6-10 years.Man I couldnt resist laughing.Their notions of the world are so funny but sweet.So I never let the little girl die inside me!
Oh I feel so strange..not a single point that I have written makes me feel proud of myself…but that’s how I am..n for once ..i gotta be honest to myself…
Saturday, July 7, 2007
Break Free..
Life has begun anew..
With dreams for the future
Some baggage from the past
And a new mould to cast
But what road shall I take now
The choice is hard
What if I falter
What if I fail
What if I cant fight again
To make my own way
Who shall I trust
To be my guide
Who shall I go to
Who will stay beside
But I see a ray of hope
I see my inner self calling
Pushing me to take over
Knowing the power of self worth
I want to make life worthwhile
So I brace myself to walk that mile.
There are inhibitions I need to overcome
Shackles I need to break
Bring my soul out
From the unreasonable doubts
The time is to move way
From the crowd
Its time to make my own rules
And be the jury!!
Its time to break free..
With dreams for the future
Some baggage from the past
And a new mould to cast
But what road shall I take now
The choice is hard
What if I falter
What if I fail
What if I cant fight again
To make my own way
Who shall I trust
To be my guide
Who shall I go to
Who will stay beside
But I see a ray of hope
I see my inner self calling
Pushing me to take over
Knowing the power of self worth
I want to make life worthwhile
So I brace myself to walk that mile.
There are inhibitions I need to overcome
Shackles I need to break
Bring my soul out
From the unreasonable doubts
The time is to move way
From the crowd
Its time to make my own rules
And be the jury!!
Its time to break free..
Sunday, July 1, 2007
The brighter side of life…
Of all the people I have ever met , only 2-3 seemed happy with life.I mean how strange it is to think that nobody is really happy!!!
What is happiness…well scientifically..happiness is an emotional or affective state that is characterized by feelings of enjoyment and satisfaction. As a state and a subject, it has been pursued and commented on extensively throughout world history. This reflects the universal importance that humans place on happiness.(courtesy---dictionary .com)
Wow.. but what makes us happy?
For me… a lot of things make me happy…Every night when I go to sleep dead tired , I feel great and satisfied of spending a useful day, playing with small kids and answering their senseless questions by cooking up all the more nonsense stories makes me happy. Sometimes listening to a very meaningful n soft song brings a smile on my face so much so that I sing with the song n keep singing for the next 2 days.. I feel great to take small pups in my arms, they cuddle and are so innocent and adorable..Feeling the rain on my face in the cool breeze makes me happy..having a light conversation with a friend also brightens the mood many times…And the list goes on! Of course how could I miss my very dear chocolates…
Actually there are so many things which I can go on and write about.. Fill pages on what makes me happy…then why is it that I don’t promptly answer the above question? What is it that makes me think so much to answer this question?
Had I given as much importance to the rain , that one moment when I felt great , I think I would have had accumulated a treasure of happiness…Why is it that we keep looking for bigger things in life? N ignore the smaller ones… Because nothing will stay with me forever.. nothing.. every tangible form will end , its only the abstract , the unseen which I can call my own, my feelings , my moments of joy , when I just felt that time shall stay and I could go on …
So if life is beautiful today , its in my hands to make it look beautiful forever…
Its what side I want to look at!!!
What is happiness…well scientifically..happiness is an emotional or affective state that is characterized by feelings of enjoyment and satisfaction. As a state and a subject, it has been pursued and commented on extensively throughout world history. This reflects the universal importance that humans place on happiness.(courtesy---dictionary .com)
Wow.. but what makes us happy?
For me… a lot of things make me happy…Every night when I go to sleep dead tired , I feel great and satisfied of spending a useful day, playing with small kids and answering their senseless questions by cooking up all the more nonsense stories makes me happy. Sometimes listening to a very meaningful n soft song brings a smile on my face so much so that I sing with the song n keep singing for the next 2 days.. I feel great to take small pups in my arms, they cuddle and are so innocent and adorable..Feeling the rain on my face in the cool breeze makes me happy..having a light conversation with a friend also brightens the mood many times…And the list goes on! Of course how could I miss my very dear chocolates…
Actually there are so many things which I can go on and write about.. Fill pages on what makes me happy…then why is it that I don’t promptly answer the above question? What is it that makes me think so much to answer this question?
Had I given as much importance to the rain , that one moment when I felt great , I think I would have had accumulated a treasure of happiness…Why is it that we keep looking for bigger things in life? N ignore the smaller ones… Because nothing will stay with me forever.. nothing.. every tangible form will end , its only the abstract , the unseen which I can call my own, my feelings , my moments of joy , when I just felt that time shall stay and I could go on …
So if life is beautiful today , its in my hands to make it look beautiful forever…
Its what side I want to look at!!!
Me on food..
Food is an important part of our lives…I mean I almost have 4 meals a day including the mid meal munching!!!not to forget…
But what is it that I gotta say about food now that I have started…
Haven’t had a very satisfying meal for days…(the bane of hostel life…)..
But sometimes I think of all that I want to have , and the feeling it gives me when I actually have it.
For e.g eating maggi (with lots of ketchup )when it has rained ..in the cool breeze…gives me a great feeling.. Sometime when I take the first bite of a rich chocolate pastry .i feel heavenly..I mean amazing.. I can anyday gorge on chocolates..
Similarly rajma chawal has its own charm at the end of the day..and Some days I just feel I would nt be able to survive unless I get a plate of my favourite veg. chowmien…
And most of the times I miss home cooked food!!Really miss that..Dont understand what is it with moms that makes them the best cook in the world…
I equally enjoy the hot parathas as much as an Italian pasta..the melting butter on the parantha and the cheese on the pasta is just a wonderful sight to look at..n is making my mouth water right now!!!
Recently I stumbled across this concept of utilities..(economics u see)..The consumption of the first product gives the maximum pleasure and it decreases gradually..averaging to a value that defines the price we are ready to pay for that product..
Wow such an “interesting concept”..the reason I am using quotes here is some ppl will relate it to something…n get their bit of humour out of it..
Humour…such an important ingredient to keep me going! Imagine a meal that comprise of humour , wit, fun, some good experiences(like having chocolates all day ), lots of laughter n smiles..and great pals for company...that would be an ideal thing to have!!
And what if it is forever..everlasting…
Wow!! I am already hungry…
But what is it that I gotta say about food now that I have started…
Haven’t had a very satisfying meal for days…(the bane of hostel life…)..
But sometimes I think of all that I want to have , and the feeling it gives me when I actually have it.
For e.g eating maggi (with lots of ketchup )when it has rained ..in the cool breeze…gives me a great feeling.. Sometime when I take the first bite of a rich chocolate pastry .i feel heavenly..I mean amazing.. I can anyday gorge on chocolates..
Similarly rajma chawal has its own charm at the end of the day..and Some days I just feel I would nt be able to survive unless I get a plate of my favourite veg. chowmien…
And most of the times I miss home cooked food!!Really miss that..Dont understand what is it with moms that makes them the best cook in the world…
I equally enjoy the hot parathas as much as an Italian pasta..the melting butter on the parantha and the cheese on the pasta is just a wonderful sight to look at..n is making my mouth water right now!!!
Recently I stumbled across this concept of utilities..(economics u see)..The consumption of the first product gives the maximum pleasure and it decreases gradually..averaging to a value that defines the price we are ready to pay for that product..
Wow such an “interesting concept”..the reason I am using quotes here is some ppl will relate it to something…n get their bit of humour out of it..
Humour…such an important ingredient to keep me going! Imagine a meal that comprise of humour , wit, fun, some good experiences(like having chocolates all day ), lots of laughter n smiles..and great pals for company...that would be an ideal thing to have!!
And what if it is forever..everlasting…
Wow!! I am already hungry…
Monday, June 25, 2007
Something is with you forever..
Sittin alone under the shade of this giant tree
I realise this nature's pal is so free
To sway his arms with the chirpy music of birds
To spread happiness around it with its prosperity
"Oh giant Tree !" ,I cry louder ,"Please tell me ,
the secret of your joy and never ending beauty,
Why is it that u are standing hear for years
With no one to love u and no peers
Dont you need a shoulder to cry upon in pain?
Someone u share wit u the joy when it rains ?
I feel so lonely sometimes as now i am sittin with u,
There are so many around us , but to call my own so few.
How do i stand against this malicious trend
Where the worl is conspiring against me waitin for my end"
"Worry not dear child ",said he, "This is not how battles r won,
To live a life worth the struggle you need to go alone,
But never forget that something is with u forever ,
The gust of wind and the change of weather.
Go on you are not alone......"
I realise this nature's pal is so free
To sway his arms with the chirpy music of birds
To spread happiness around it with its prosperity
"Oh giant Tree !" ,I cry louder ,"Please tell me ,
the secret of your joy and never ending beauty,
Why is it that u are standing hear for years
With no one to love u and no peers
Dont you need a shoulder to cry upon in pain?
Someone u share wit u the joy when it rains ?
I feel so lonely sometimes as now i am sittin with u,
There are so many around us , but to call my own so few.
How do i stand against this malicious trend
Where the worl is conspiring against me waitin for my end"
"Worry not dear child ",said he, "This is not how battles r won,
To live a life worth the struggle you need to go alone,
But never forget that something is with u forever ,
The gust of wind and the change of weather.
Go on you are not alone......"
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
My FSL Gang..
My office was full of all sorts of people with distinctive characteristic traits which had a influence on me in the last 2 years.They were a part of my experience in FSL. So here I go.
The characters are perfectly true people ..and no offences meant to anybody..
But to think of it , this is my space and I am free to write all that I felt..;)
The beginning of professional life was marked by a series of presentations in the office by the HR people , some technical sessions most of which went over the head, but none of us was ready to accept the fact.
We were 4 new people in our team, AB , DG me n SM.Had already interacted with AB during the induction so knew him but,had not much idea bout SM and DG.
AB is this complete freak, who goes mad when he is in a party.He claimed to have spent 30-40%of his time in my cubicle during my tenure there. A very genuine person, serious to the core when it comes to the technical discussions and also the philosophies of life, but chilled out otherwise .He troubled me a lot during the time I was there. specialy when I had the maximum work to do. So in a way I account my efficiency in hostile conditions to him..:).Here I am very keen to mention his inclination towards Bangalore for some reasons but me like a goodie friend would not make things difficult for him.He has been my closest pal in office . The perfect foodie and the north indianised version of a Kannadiga..AB continues to inspire , those under him now, he already has a few bhakts there..Good going AB,and I hope you don't forget your promises!!!
DG was so wonderful with his oneliners always.I gotta know of his humourous side quite late and missed a lot of fun on that , but he was always smiling in the most stressful situations ! A perfect mimic and fun and wit personified..I still remember the fits of laughter we had while playing the pictionary form of dumb charades(a game we developed then) in the tech symposium.We just went mad laughing!!I hope none of the presenters are reading this!The news of his marriage came as a pleasant surprise to all of us! He is also responsible for me working under distractions.But he was courteous enough to atleast ask..A major consumer of my stock of toffees, DG was always the one to get us the maximum extra work fom his weird ideas which we used to experiment on!!!
SM the perfect scientist, going in the details of the device was his catch!!and he was actually good at that.Mostly found staring at the Wikipedia..rather that Wikimapia..finding great pieces of art and sending it across to us.SM is a thinker , a philosopher and a mini library!!There was Don who had the weirdest collection of songs and he used to play them on and on never realizing that me in the adjacent cubicle , and others around used to hate that!I think he made some record or something playing kajrare.He never left a single chance of targeting us with his jokes.I don’t think he has missed any of us in that!He gave me my nick in office which I hated completely, it made no sense actually. Don to save you from the public hostility and your image I am not mentioning that here!!
VK was the perfect combination of wit n humour and serious humour .His superb comments on situations and especially the lyricized version of the situations was fun.I share this special laughter moment with him ,where both of us were almost into tears.A complete techno person , I remember how he longed for the best phones in the market and then buy them every now n then!He had a killing sense of innovation. Remember the Ohm’s law criterion for kal ho na ho!!(ref to our pictorial dumb charades).For others who don't know VK drew a simple circuit which he wanted us to interpret as Ohm's Law and then rhyme with Kal Ho Na Ho ..That was amazing!!Simply outstanding!!
PB was the most silent of them all. Her diligence was an example for all of us. She seldom indulged in any kind of cross cubical informal conversations that we had.She always had some work to do, be it exploring a new tool or experimenting , PB was the person.she was a storehouse of knowledge as well as a lot snack munching was sourced by her.She had all kinds of biscuits, low fat , creamy , cheesy , sweet all of them. She gets the well dressed award in my team. A genuinely helpful person , all of us thought second time before being naughty with her.VK and PB used to pick up arguments so often and it was fun to watch them argue!!
PA was the greatest of them all.With his fan following extending all over Freescale,India and even abroad , he was the favourite of everybody. TG came in later next year and he in AB’s follower completely, in times of making fun..especially making fun of me. He has been my technical adviser for all laptop related queries and my source of a lot of good movies n serials.He literally took the status report from me , about my progress on the stuff he gave me to watch!!
Our trip to Vaishno Devi was a memorable one.VNP was a discovery in he trip.He was the one to give me the maximum amount of respect .."NikitaJi"..With dreams in his eyes to make it really big VNP is a very sincere chap, not that others are not but with VNP was this silent dark horse toiling it hard till he got the solution.Or else he would call up n say “Sorry to disturb u Nikitaji..blah blah..”.I wish I could upload his description of the trip.Super it was!!!We all a great time.
MS joined in late.And brought with him some 3years of experience but he gelled with the team very soon.Sharing your first name with the manager makes things tricky at times.. I remember the time when MS had his son , n I had my nephew , we discussed the weirdest things related to the infants growing up.it was so much fun..
Who have I left..oh yeah AA..my dear Ani..My TT partner, scrabble partner.She reminded me of the time when I had joined in.The girl after my own heart! Ani has all traits to make it big.She was the one to rescue me from all the leg pulling coz once she arrived, she became the target!!TG and me had a good time teasing her.She will make it to the TT championship this year!Still miss the time I had with her. Once she started laughing it was difficult to make her stop.She would go on n on!! Endlessly!!
All of them were so delighted to hear my result, and each a different message to give..with lots of best wishes.I am so thankful to them for being my support system during the tough times!
The time I had with all these wonderful people has left an indelible mark on me! And I had so much to learn from each of ya!!!
Miss you guys...
The characters are perfectly true people ..and no offences meant to anybody..
But to think of it , this is my space and I am free to write all that I felt..;)
The beginning of professional life was marked by a series of presentations in the office by the HR people , some technical sessions most of which went over the head, but none of us was ready to accept the fact.
We were 4 new people in our team, AB , DG me n SM.Had already interacted with AB during the induction so knew him but,had not much idea bout SM and DG.
AB is this complete freak, who goes mad when he is in a party.He claimed to have spent 30-40%of his time in my cubicle during my tenure there. A very genuine person, serious to the core when it comes to the technical discussions and also the philosophies of life, but chilled out otherwise .He troubled me a lot during the time I was there. specialy when I had the maximum work to do. So in a way I account my efficiency in hostile conditions to him..:).Here I am very keen to mention his inclination towards Bangalore for some reasons but me like a goodie friend would not make things difficult for him.He has been my closest pal in office . The perfect foodie and the north indianised version of a Kannadiga..AB continues to inspire , those under him now, he already has a few bhakts there..Good going AB,and I hope you don't forget your promises!!!
DG was so wonderful with his oneliners always.I gotta know of his humourous side quite late and missed a lot of fun on that , but he was always smiling in the most stressful situations ! A perfect mimic and fun and wit personified..I still remember the fits of laughter we had while playing the pictionary form of dumb charades(a game we developed then) in the tech symposium.We just went mad laughing!!I hope none of the presenters are reading this!The news of his marriage came as a pleasant surprise to all of us! He is also responsible for me working under distractions.But he was courteous enough to atleast ask..A major consumer of my stock of toffees, DG was always the one to get us the maximum extra work fom his weird ideas which we used to experiment on!!!
SM the perfect scientist, going in the details of the device was his catch!!and he was actually good at that.Mostly found staring at the Wikipedia..rather that Wikimapia..finding great pieces of art and sending it across to us.SM is a thinker , a philosopher and a mini library!!There was Don who had the weirdest collection of songs and he used to play them on and on never realizing that me in the adjacent cubicle , and others around used to hate that!I think he made some record or something playing kajrare.He never left a single chance of targeting us with his jokes.I don’t think he has missed any of us in that!He gave me my nick in office which I hated completely, it made no sense actually. Don to save you from the public hostility and your image I am not mentioning that here!!
VK was the perfect combination of wit n humour and serious humour .His superb comments on situations and especially the lyricized version of the situations was fun.I share this special laughter moment with him ,where both of us were almost into tears.A complete techno person , I remember how he longed for the best phones in the market and then buy them every now n then!He had a killing sense of innovation. Remember the Ohm’s law criterion for kal ho na ho!!(ref to our pictorial dumb charades).For others who don't know VK drew a simple circuit which he wanted us to interpret as Ohm's Law and then rhyme with Kal Ho Na Ho ..That was amazing!!Simply outstanding!!
PB was the most silent of them all. Her diligence was an example for all of us. She seldom indulged in any kind of cross cubical informal conversations that we had.She always had some work to do, be it exploring a new tool or experimenting , PB was the person.she was a storehouse of knowledge as well as a lot snack munching was sourced by her.She had all kinds of biscuits, low fat , creamy , cheesy , sweet all of them. She gets the well dressed award in my team. A genuinely helpful person , all of us thought second time before being naughty with her.VK and PB used to pick up arguments so often and it was fun to watch them argue!!
PA was the greatest of them all.With his fan following extending all over Freescale,India and even abroad , he was the favourite of everybody. TG came in later next year and he in AB’s follower completely, in times of making fun..especially making fun of me. He has been my technical adviser for all laptop related queries and my source of a lot of good movies n serials.He literally took the status report from me , about my progress on the stuff he gave me to watch!!
Our trip to Vaishno Devi was a memorable one.VNP was a discovery in he trip.He was the one to give me the maximum amount of respect .."NikitaJi"..With dreams in his eyes to make it really big VNP is a very sincere chap, not that others are not but with VNP was this silent dark horse toiling it hard till he got the solution.Or else he would call up n say “Sorry to disturb u Nikitaji..blah blah..”.I wish I could upload his description of the trip.Super it was!!!We all a great time.
MS joined in late.And brought with him some 3years of experience but he gelled with the team very soon.Sharing your first name with the manager makes things tricky at times.. I remember the time when MS had his son , n I had my nephew , we discussed the weirdest things related to the infants growing up.it was so much fun..
Who have I left..oh yeah AA..my dear Ani..My TT partner, scrabble partner.She reminded me of the time when I had joined in.The girl after my own heart! Ani has all traits to make it big.She was the one to rescue me from all the leg pulling coz once she arrived, she became the target!!TG and me had a good time teasing her.She will make it to the TT championship this year!Still miss the time I had with her. Once she started laughing it was difficult to make her stop.She would go on n on!! Endlessly!!
All of them were so delighted to hear my result, and each a different message to give..with lots of best wishes.I am so thankful to them for being my support system during the tough times!
The time I had with all these wonderful people has left an indelible mark on me! And I had so much to learn from each of ya!!!
Miss you guys...
Monday, June 18, 2007
The Characters of my life...
Me..forget it would get back to it later..
Mom..as all the worlds mom..she is just the best.she tries to pamper me so much ..now that I stay at home after 4 yrs of vanvaas in the patiala hostel..These days sh is proving herself to be the best cook in the world…And me the great connoisseur of food is giving her all the critical acclaim..love u mom..i know u will never read this…ur computer illiteracy is as hard a fact as my love for ur mithi pooris which u think to be a very “tuchhhi” thing to love…Anyways
She is my sole reference database for any kinda old songs and learned so many from her..something that a lot my frenz find weird!!Remembering old songs with atleast one paragraph ..(that’s the min..)
Dad:- Now the reasn why I mentioned him after mom is that I couldn’t think of things to write for him early..not that I don’t have enough to write for him..infact it’s the other way round…I have never seen a person free from all negative thoughts as him.I never saw him ask “what if this doesn’t work”..I salute his faith..n I inherit most my qualities of being a so called helpful person from him…(a lil bit of self praise is no harm at times esp when u have many people to certify it..)..And Dad has always been so encouraging..I love him all the more when he says ..that I am his son..I feel so accomplished that time…And not to forget ..me n Dad share something only between us!..the abbreviated language…when we gotta tease mom..or make a funny comment on any situation of person for that matter ..we use that..He has a strange habit of appending new surnames to people..which sounds so funny..and also sing so much.I have heard him sing the weirdest of songs I ever came across..oh he is just so good at making his own songs…a talent which I inherited gracefully from him.Luv u Dad ..u r the best..
Tinuji—my sis..
The world calls her Neha, mom dad call her Tina..For me..she is aaadi..(pronounced in hindi) , CC(cant xpand it here)..n very recently since she got married..she became tinuji for me..Never did I bestow that much respect on her..which she always fought for with me...but once she got married..i realized how important she was to me!!n I missed spending so many good times with her…due to my vanwaas..n then her marriage!!but still try n catch up to that as much as I can..She is the fun loving person..i always want to inherit some of her carefree nature..n the way she keeps contact with so many ppl is just so unbelievable for me..she know everythin bout the lives of all our cousins..we have some 25 of them think..roughly…whenever they meet me they keep cursing me for not talking to them n keeping contacts n stuff..so she is the favourite baccha of our family..everbody’s adorable child..
So thats my family..
Of course there are new and special additions to the characters!! Which I will keep on introducing wherever the need be!!!
Mom..as all the worlds mom..she is just the best.she tries to pamper me so much ..now that I stay at home after 4 yrs of vanvaas in the patiala hostel..These days sh is proving herself to be the best cook in the world…And me the great connoisseur of food is giving her all the critical acclaim..love u mom..i know u will never read this…ur computer illiteracy is as hard a fact as my love for ur mithi pooris which u think to be a very “tuchhhi” thing to love…Anyways
She is my sole reference database for any kinda old songs and learned so many from her..something that a lot my frenz find weird!!Remembering old songs with atleast one paragraph ..(that’s the min..)
Dad:- Now the reasn why I mentioned him after mom is that I couldn’t think of things to write for him early..not that I don’t have enough to write for him..infact it’s the other way round…I have never seen a person free from all negative thoughts as him.I never saw him ask “what if this doesn’t work”..I salute his faith..n I inherit most my qualities of being a so called helpful person from him…(a lil bit of self praise is no harm at times esp when u have many people to certify it..)..And Dad has always been so encouraging..I love him all the more when he says ..that I am his son..I feel so accomplished that time…And not to forget ..me n Dad share something only between us!..the abbreviated language…when we gotta tease mom..or make a funny comment on any situation of person for that matter ..we use that..He has a strange habit of appending new surnames to people..which sounds so funny..and also sing so much.I have heard him sing the weirdest of songs I ever came across..oh he is just so good at making his own songs…a talent which I inherited gracefully from him.Luv u Dad ..u r the best..
Tinuji—my sis..
The world calls her Neha, mom dad call her Tina..For me..she is aaadi..(pronounced in hindi) , CC(cant xpand it here)..n very recently since she got married..she became tinuji for me..Never did I bestow that much respect on her..which she always fought for with me...but once she got married..i realized how important she was to me!!n I missed spending so many good times with her…due to my vanwaas..n then her marriage!!but still try n catch up to that as much as I can..She is the fun loving person..i always want to inherit some of her carefree nature..n the way she keeps contact with so many ppl is just so unbelievable for me..she know everythin bout the lives of all our cousins..we have some 25 of them think..roughly…whenever they meet me they keep cursing me for not talking to them n keeping contacts n stuff..so she is the favourite baccha of our family..everbody’s adorable child..
So thats my family..
Of course there are new and special additions to the characters!! Which I will keep on introducing wherever the need be!!!
Sunday, May 20, 2007
Part 4
The next one month involved a lot of thinking.About myself , about my goals.I had to write the essay questions that came in the form.Somewhere in the back of my mind , the thought of a single call was also nerving, coz I thought I had very little chance of making it.But as I said , I had a very strong support system , and then I had nothing to lose after all.So I gave it a go.Didn't attend any coaching classes to save myself from the inferiority complex of practicing GD with 5-6 call getters. And the thought of learning how to be natural in an interview was in itself conflicting!!So just decided to do it on my own.
My manager was so helpful and his guidance and encouragement made me more confident.i do owe a major part of this accomplishment to him!As a manager he wanted me to work in the company with all dedication and on a personal note he supported me and provided all the help needed for preparing the letter of recommendation!!
This journey was a completely wonderful experience in itself..
And finally the D day arrived.I was on pills to control my upset stomach ,a disorder which I suffer from during stressful times. It then becomes a fight between the organs to perform the best , and the stomach bears the brunt of it all. Can’t handle the tension!So me was all set to face the first interview of my life!!
My manager was so helpful and his guidance and encouragement made me more confident.i do owe a major part of this accomplishment to him!As a manager he wanted me to work in the company with all dedication and on a personal note he supported me and provided all the help needed for preparing the letter of recommendation!!
This journey was a completely wonderful experience in itself..
And finally the D day arrived.I was on pills to control my upset stomach ,a disorder which I suffer from during stressful times. It then becomes a fight between the organs to perform the best , and the stomach bears the brunt of it all. Can’t handle the tension!So me was all set to face the first interview of my life!!
Saturday, May 19, 2007
Part 3-
So December went as disastrously as it could.N then it was result time.Honestly I was not even interested in checking the results but since I had no other option but to hope against hope.Came January and the IIM websites flagged the result.I started with I & K first thinkig that was the only thing I could have got.Didnt deserve to get anything better.negative.Heart sinking.But then I was prepared for this.Went back home and mom asked me to tell her the result.i told her I hadn’t made it to K & I.What about the others?
I said there wasn’t any chance of making it to others eitherBut then we did check,No l , no C and ofcourse no A either.Bangalore site didn’t open and so I didn’t check.
Once again trying to find some way out of the monotony of designing chips from 9-5 and then coming home and sleeping!!9th January was Dad’s birthday,and just about after lunch time , Mum called up and told me that a packet had arrived from IIMB.And my sis was reading it(I consider her my lucky charm).Oh it was my call letter.
It was completely unbelievable.i was actually numb.Didnt know what to do!Arjun was observing and so I told him the news.He couldn’t help but just smile and laugh and feel so happy.Oh he actually shook me!It was unbelievable..And I couldn’t stop smiling the rest of the day!!
I said there wasn’t any chance of making it to others eitherBut then we did check,No l , no C and ofcourse no A either.Bangalore site didn’t open and so I didn’t check.
Once again trying to find some way out of the monotony of designing chips from 9-5 and then coming home and sleeping!!9th January was Dad’s birthday,and just about after lunch time , Mum called up and told me that a packet had arrived from IIMB.And my sis was reading it(I consider her my lucky charm).Oh it was my call letter.
It was completely unbelievable.i was actually numb.Didnt know what to do!Arjun was observing and so I told him the news.He couldn’t help but just smile and laugh and feel so happy.Oh he actually shook me!It was unbelievable..And I couldn’t stop smiling the rest of the day!!
Thursday, May 10, 2007
The IIM Journey ..contd..
Part 2-The saga of Israel…
So once the paper got over I went back to my thinking mode of now what.Had some marriages in the family so got busy.In fact that intrigued it all.Because relatives are somehow more interested on when are u getting married rather that my own parents..Irritating it was..they all make me think that I was the only left one now.with all the badi sisters getting married I was the only one left out as if…
Never mind, my manager come to my rescue.He was nominating my name for a trip to Israel.Some project had to be done there.The first question he asked me was tricky .”Do you have a passport”..N I didn’t have one.i told him no but said I would manage to get it as soon as I can.I had 10 days of time before we would apply for the visa.
Then began the odyssey to get a passport out from the portals of the Indian Passport Office.
The dilapidated state of the building was a clear indication of what was in store for me.The passport officer who was supposed to come at 10:30 reaches at 11:30 and then the long queue..the unnecessary hassles that the people were creating there..the crowd, everything was a big learning experience..learning..next time I d rather contact an agent..!!But I have this habit of trying my hands at everything that comes my way..n so I end up suffering so many times…
Never the less. All said and done ..Then came the police verification.Two people from the inquiry department had come to visit us at my place.they had tean and snacks.We chatted ,I showed them my original documents and finally everybody went quiet. The lady asked “Pehli baar apply kar rahe ho” I said in my typical UP tone..”Haanji”
Lady- “ok, to phir 5-5 kardo”
I was shocked.I mean she was openly asking me to give her money!Felt like arguing. But dad said in sarkari matters that wouldn’t have worked. This even manifested my belief , that I want to bring about a positive change in the system.
High hopes.But I hope I’ll do something! Someday!
Finally my passport reached in time.And the next 2 weeks went in doing the research on Israel.Mom was anxious on sending me alone.First trip abroad and that too, to a country like Israel, which is so disturbed.Well I was pretty excited.searching n places to visit , eating joints there.Our branch office was in Herziliya and it is a coastal city.So I was really looking forward to the whole experience.Also to thank tarun n Prasad on doing so much added research for me.We took virtual tours of the places I was supposed to stay at.Suddenly life had taken a new turn.I was intended to fly sometime in December end.
But , life had something else in store for me.
The day I got my visa stamped,I went upto my manager to ask about the next set of formalities,and I got the news that the project I was supposed to work on had been cancelled by the vendor..
As shocked as I was to hear that, somewhere something was hitting hard as to what now?
So Israel never happened .All that I have left is the stamp on my passport..which according to some would never let me go to the UAE’s …
So once the paper got over I went back to my thinking mode of now what.Had some marriages in the family so got busy.In fact that intrigued it all.Because relatives are somehow more interested on when are u getting married rather that my own parents..Irritating it was..they all make me think that I was the only left one now.with all the badi sisters getting married I was the only one left out as if…
Never mind, my manager come to my rescue.He was nominating my name for a trip to Israel.Some project had to be done there.The first question he asked me was tricky .”Do you have a passport”..N I didn’t have one.i told him no but said I would manage to get it as soon as I can.I had 10 days of time before we would apply for the visa.
Then began the odyssey to get a passport out from the portals of the Indian Passport Office.
The dilapidated state of the building was a clear indication of what was in store for me.The passport officer who was supposed to come at 10:30 reaches at 11:30 and then the long queue..the unnecessary hassles that the people were creating there..the crowd, everything was a big learning experience..learning..next time I d rather contact an agent..!!But I have this habit of trying my hands at everything that comes my way..n so I end up suffering so many times…
Never the less. All said and done ..Then came the police verification.Two people from the inquiry department had come to visit us at my place.they had tean and snacks.We chatted ,I showed them my original documents and finally everybody went quiet. The lady asked “Pehli baar apply kar rahe ho” I said in my typical UP tone..”Haanji”
Lady- “ok, to phir 5-5 kardo”
I was shocked.I mean she was openly asking me to give her money!Felt like arguing. But dad said in sarkari matters that wouldn’t have worked. This even manifested my belief , that I want to bring about a positive change in the system.
High hopes.But I hope I’ll do something! Someday!
Finally my passport reached in time.And the next 2 weeks went in doing the research on Israel.Mom was anxious on sending me alone.First trip abroad and that too, to a country like Israel, which is so disturbed.Well I was pretty excited.searching n places to visit , eating joints there.Our branch office was in Herziliya and it is a coastal city.So I was really looking forward to the whole experience.Also to thank tarun n Prasad on doing so much added research for me.We took virtual tours of the places I was supposed to stay at.Suddenly life had taken a new turn.I was intended to fly sometime in December end.
But , life had something else in store for me.
The day I got my visa stamped,I went upto my manager to ask about the next set of formalities,and I got the news that the project I was supposed to work on had been cancelled by the vendor..
As shocked as I was to hear that, somewhere something was hitting hard as to what now?
So Israel never happened .All that I have left is the stamp on my passport..which according to some would never let me go to the UAE’s …
Tuesday, May 8, 2007
The IIM Journey..
Part 1- The exam
My last year has been full of strange experiences..
I couldn’t really understand what I wanted from life somehow..Had just got a project to work on so got so engrossed in that I thot designing chips was the best thing I could have done.The enthu I had when it started was splendid..me trying to beat all the deadlines..trying hard to excel in whatever way I can..do it differently n innovate…
How hard I stressed myself for that..And then when it got over I had news that there was another project waiting for me! N Priyanka was so sweet n encouraging to tell me that I go for a bigger block..Even I dint have that much of faith in myself as she did!! Really thank her for makin my time fsl so nice…
And then by mid 2006 I was again suffering from the.. “What shud I do with life syndrome”.the second project had started but in the initial phase work was not that hectic..So my mind had all the liberty to run once again on the thinking sprees..that I go on..I call it “Thinking in Zero” or in hindi..”Shoonya mein dekhna” ..Mom gets really pissed off with me because of this..and esp with the questions that follow after that..
And then the CAT forms came out in the market..The last years dejection was playing on my mind.I had prepared , joined coaching classes ..still couldn’t make it..It had been humiliating with me thinking that I probably didn’t deserve it at all.sometimes we shud let go of things …So I filled the form again..just like that.Had no plans at all.But thought would give it a try again.N this time on my own.So started doing some preliminary work.Working on the quant problems and stuff..
But I guess, God had other plans for me! Work became hectic, n I took up other tasks in office.Came October and I hadn’t completed much of the syllabus.And October is a celebration month for me( for all those who don’t know ,my birthday is in October)..
There were people who were making plans for life..who were taking decisions , who were thinking about life ahead ..n there was me who was just going on with the flow..no control on life.As if I had accepted that I would be designing chips for the rest of my life..get married ..have kids n live happily ever after…
Came November ..and I was still not sure but I did honour the last week before the exam..but this time I had no fears..This time I had nothing to prove.No preparations to back up my failures.No regrets for not studying coz I was actually not bothered…
And on the D day I was not at all nervous..coz had nothing to lose.I was not prepared.I was just goin to solve some problems n come back.My mom dad had planned a movie for the evening.This string of aiming for life ahead was ready to be broken…I was goin to do that!!Thinking that probably if I end the other options I would still go in one direction!!
The exam centre was bustling with activity.The studs n bonds giving advice to the meek , the 99% percentiles in the mocks predicting the question paper , the distribution of marks, even the cut offs…
Man..I was enjoying the sight..the expressions were so varied to analyse that for some time I forgot that I was there to take n exam.the best part was spotting people from my office..And the reactions I got from them .Some of them failed to recognize me also!! N I felt bad.(I really don’t like when people ignore me..)
Anyways, my confidence n my smile was not leaving me that day at all.. Even I was surprised..When I saw the paper , I held it firmly..(unlike last year when I was trembling..).And set my agenda for the next 2.5hrs..that I will solve as much as I can..No panic this time.it went on smoothly..And I was happy when I came out of the exam hall that I had fared >= than last year!I thought so! And without the prep even gave me a sense of greater achievement. Had no hopes of making it this year as well.but was happy that I had cut the last chord that my mind used hold on to and wander around!!!
Yes I had reduced my options…
My last year has been full of strange experiences..
I couldn’t really understand what I wanted from life somehow..Had just got a project to work on so got so engrossed in that I thot designing chips was the best thing I could have done.The enthu I had when it started was splendid..me trying to beat all the deadlines..trying hard to excel in whatever way I can..do it differently n innovate…
How hard I stressed myself for that..And then when it got over I had news that there was another project waiting for me! N Priyanka was so sweet n encouraging to tell me that I go for a bigger block..Even I dint have that much of faith in myself as she did!! Really thank her for makin my time fsl so nice…
And then by mid 2006 I was again suffering from the.. “What shud I do with life syndrome”.the second project had started but in the initial phase work was not that hectic..So my mind had all the liberty to run once again on the thinking sprees..that I go on..I call it “Thinking in Zero” or in hindi..”Shoonya mein dekhna” ..Mom gets really pissed off with me because of this..and esp with the questions that follow after that..
And then the CAT forms came out in the market..The last years dejection was playing on my mind.I had prepared , joined coaching classes ..still couldn’t make it..It had been humiliating with me thinking that I probably didn’t deserve it at all.sometimes we shud let go of things …So I filled the form again..just like that.Had no plans at all.But thought would give it a try again.N this time on my own.So started doing some preliminary work.Working on the quant problems and stuff..
But I guess, God had other plans for me! Work became hectic, n I took up other tasks in office.Came October and I hadn’t completed much of the syllabus.And October is a celebration month for me( for all those who don’t know ,my birthday is in October)..
There were people who were making plans for life..who were taking decisions , who were thinking about life ahead ..n there was me who was just going on with the flow..no control on life.As if I had accepted that I would be designing chips for the rest of my life..get married ..have kids n live happily ever after…
Came November ..and I was still not sure but I did honour the last week before the exam..but this time I had no fears..This time I had nothing to prove.No preparations to back up my failures.No regrets for not studying coz I was actually not bothered…
And on the D day I was not at all nervous..coz had nothing to lose.I was not prepared.I was just goin to solve some problems n come back.My mom dad had planned a movie for the evening.This string of aiming for life ahead was ready to be broken…I was goin to do that!!Thinking that probably if I end the other options I would still go in one direction!!
The exam centre was bustling with activity.The studs n bonds giving advice to the meek , the 99% percentiles in the mocks predicting the question paper , the distribution of marks, even the cut offs…
Man..I was enjoying the sight..the expressions were so varied to analyse that for some time I forgot that I was there to take n exam.the best part was spotting people from my office..And the reactions I got from them .Some of them failed to recognize me also!! N I felt bad.(I really don’t like when people ignore me..)
Anyways, my confidence n my smile was not leaving me that day at all.. Even I was surprised..When I saw the paper , I held it firmly..(unlike last year when I was trembling..).And set my agenda for the next 2.5hrs..that I will solve as much as I can..No panic this time.it went on smoothly..And I was happy when I came out of the exam hall that I had fared >= than last year!I thought so! And without the prep even gave me a sense of greater achievement. Had no hopes of making it this year as well.but was happy that I had cut the last chord that my mind used hold on to and wander around!!!
Yes I had reduced my options…
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