Colourful Emotions…

I love colours around me..
Each of them offers a different emotional high to me!..
Black— dunno why they call black to be the devils' colour..it has a very distinctive n stylish elegance to it.. It gives me the spirit to lead! N I feel the most confident when I wear black!! Somehow it infuses that in me!! Mom doesn’t like me wear black.. though..

White:- Wow.sometimes I wish everything around me would turn white. It feels so pure..It seems as if I get to make the rules now. Write whatever I want on the book of life. Actually white represents the gap between the radical mind and the impetuous heart. And I fill it with lots of smiles and not allow tears anywhere.I fill it with honesty , and leave no room for hypocrisy and malice. White infuses a serene kind of satisfaction in me!!Oh how much I admire the sensuality of Simi Garewal for her unending love for whites..

Green:- Few of my friends even branded me a Pakistani for my affinity to the green colour! But green to me, is so lively and optimistic. The freshly washed trees with the rain, the beautiful fields all clad in green give me a lot of hope! To fight and to stand up against all odds. Just like they do! Green to me , represents youth! And the power that the young minds have.

Yellow:- Yellow represents brightness. It represents light. Once I tried looking straight at the sun , and how it stared back at me. I feel the sun is the most powerful thing in this universe.And so yellow reminds to tap the hidden potential.And explore continuously! There is always room for improvement!

Pink:- Pink simply feels innocent. The new born babies are pink in colour. Oh how beautiful the tiny fingers and the even more miniature finger nails look. I am thinking of the time when I first looked at my nephew when he was born. It was the most beautiful emotion I had ever experienced. Remember every bit of it. Pink is simply unblemished and angelic, just like a life that has just come into existence.

Red:- Red is so fiery. I like it though. Somehow it induces a superiority feeling in me! Weird it is though.

Oh I missed the most important one:- Blue- Blue is as magnanimous as the deep blue oceans. It has larger than life image.Subtle but supreme!! That’s what blue is!

There are so many colors now as I have started thinking of them.Some blended to make new ones .Just like relations in life.Some we cherish forever and some teach us so many thing. All of them blended together make up the canvas of life.

The beautiful rain

Its raining today.. raining since evening.
The weather has become colder. And as I look out in the dark , the water making its impact on the ground. The trees staring silently , the birds all crouching in the branches , the darkness taking its toll. Its all silent out today.Nature having a good time and me a mere spectator. As if it has control on everybody today!
Sometimes I feel , so small infront of the big universe around me! The rain , the trees , the night , the sun , the dawn , the sunset ..All have so much power .And me , so powerless.At times I have felt so helpless when I sense some other control on me!When what I want to do is not what I actually end up doing.When emotions take control of the mind.When the conflict between the heart and mind is won by the heart.But I think emotions are more honest than the mind!The mind manipulates..according to some unreasonable norms of right and wrong!!
But it’s the heart which is a true reflection of the persona!!!
I am still thinking while its the raining continues ..
Emotions overcoming the mind!!Pouring from all over within and taking control today!No more artificial thinking ..plain truth !
Its still raining outside…

This too shall pass..

The last few days have been so absorbing.As if I had all the studies to finish in this world.Getting lil sleep, eating not very good food, missing family in between many times!and then so many deadlines to beat!Trying to devise methods to beat the system before it gets its hands on me!!But still am not good enough!Just lingering on!Telling myself everyday , that this too shall pass!!!

The real Winner..

I recently met this family on my way to Bangalore..The lil daughter they had was suffering from some heart disease..she was so frail n thin .Looked completely malnourished..and as a result of the illness her nails and lips had turned blue..On talking to the family , it was evident the pain they were suffering from, and as I looked in the eyes of that child I could make out the uneasiness she felt , now that I knew of her illness…
N me..I almost had tears in my eyes..I couldn’t look straight in her eyes .It seemed she had a lot of questions which I could not answer..
And for the rest of the journey I kept thinking of her , what life has instore for her..
And felt a sudden pain and compassion for her...Had never felt such a thing before.Not even when I saw beggars on the street..I guess.. probably coz they find it an easy way not to fight and just go ahead with the flow…
But that young girl taught me what it is to fight…
Will never forget that experience…

Am I really sure??

These days I am doing a lot of thinking.Trying to find out what I like and what I don’t.This is the first thing we were told to do once we joined IIMB..And this thought process takes me long back in history when I started taking my own decisions..sometime when I was 13yrs old. The teenage syndrome did struck me also..So I am still thinking what makes me happy and what puts me off…
And hoping to reach a conclusion soon because then I have to find my passion….one thing being hyped so much as a part of the B school culture again..(sometimes I am not really sure what brought me here..passion…no coz I still haven’t found one..then destiny???..) One word we use very loosely…Destiny…I recently got some information on the importance of destiny n its relevance..m still deriving my insights from it..Never mind…Before I get into those philosophical moods of thinking insanely on weirdities of life..let me get back to business….

I was asked a very relevant question lately..what is that we are sure of in life?I did have an answer at that time..that well we can be sure of ourselves atleast if not the world..but then on introspection I realised I was wrong..yes..one cant be sure of anything!!Coz this morning when I got up with swollen eyes(again a part of the B school life…sleeplessness) I had abstained myself from doing certain things…and a devil that I am..I did exactly that!!Nw I am not going into the details of what those were, but the truth is even after excercising control on my will I was helpless..

So do I lack determination? Well I would not like to admit that…I leave this thought here only and will try to find an answer to that question again…what are we sure of in life??

I started to write about myself and ended up landing nowhere..well that is the biggest quality I have..Either I am convinced or I am confused!!!...

Knowing myself!!

This is a really scary question ..Because the time one takes to think about the answer tells u that ..u don’t have a chance to get this one..
Funny..And I thot of actually finding the answer..Not that I plan to tread on the path of gaining spiritualism , just trying to find who am I..

1)I love to talk to people and analyse their behaviour..I mean I can actually waste hours thinking about certain conversations which do leave an impact on me.Which has taken a back seat lately but still I do indulge in occasionally.I love to mimick people…No offences intended…its habits that I imitate not the persona!!!But its fun!!

2)Good food is something that I can’t leave for anything, however important the work I am doing , if I come to know that , it is between food and me , I ditch the work and go for food..I think a very basic instinct…but doesn’t say much about me!!

3)I enjoy nature very much..I mean feeling the breeze through me energizes me and I instantly smile and admire the beauty of nature.. I love to smell all sorts of flowers in the garden..(of course with some basic knowledge of which ones to go near to)

4)The whole concept of life n the world coming into existence amuses me!I still don’t understand why? what was the need of human evolution when all that humans did was destroy what they got!!
I am again deviating from the topic..
Getting back..

5)I very easily allow my imagination to fly in a completely different world.This mostly happens if I am not able to relate to the present situation I am witnessing..Especially in lectures..these days..which is playing havoc with my life here….but guess that is natural since I am getting back to academics after a gap of 2yrs.

6) I love to spend time kids.They have all sorts of weird concepts about things around us.An its their innocence that I admire.I like to play their kiddish games like the very famous princes in the palace esp little girls.I happened to overhear a conversation between some girls staying in my colony.All aged between 6-10 years.Man I couldnt resist laughing.Their notions of the world are so funny but sweet.So I never let the little girl die inside me!

Oh I feel so strange..not a single point that I have written makes me feel proud of myself…but that’s how I am..n for once ..i gotta be honest to myself…

Break Free..

Life has begun anew..
With dreams for the future
Some baggage from the past
And a new mould to cast
But what road shall I take now
The choice is hard
What if I falter
What if I fail
What if I cant fight again
To make my own way
Who shall I trust
To be my guide
Who shall I go to
Who will stay beside
But I see a ray of hope
I see my inner self calling
Pushing me to take over
Knowing the power of self worth
I want to make life worthwhile
So I brace myself to walk that mile.
There are inhibitions I need to overcome
Shackles I need to break
Bring my soul out
From the unreasonable doubts
The time is to move way
From the crowd
Its time to make my own rules
And be the jury!!
Its time to break free..

The brighter side of life…

Of all the people I have ever met , only 2-3 seemed happy with life.I mean how strange it is to think that nobody is really happy!!!
What is happiness…well scientifically..happiness is an emotional or affective state that is characterized by feelings of enjoyment and satisfaction. As a state and a subject, it has been pursued and commented on extensively throughout world history. This reflects the universal importance that humans place on happiness.(courtesy---dictionary .com)

Wow.. but what makes us happy?
For me… a lot of things make me happy…Every night when I go to sleep dead tired , I feel great and satisfied of spending a useful day, playing with small kids and answering their senseless questions by cooking up all the more nonsense stories makes me happy. Sometimes listening to a very meaningful n soft song brings a smile on my face so much so that I sing with the song n keep singing for the next 2 days.. I feel great to take small pups in my arms, they cuddle and are so innocent and adorable..Feeling the rain on my face in the cool breeze makes me happy..having a light conversation with a friend also brightens the mood many times…And the list goes on! Of course how could I miss my very dear chocolates…

Actually there are so many things which I can go on and write about.. Fill pages on what makes me happy…then why is it that I don’t promptly answer the above question? What is it that makes me think so much to answer this question?
Had I given as much importance to the rain , that one moment when I felt great , I think I would have had accumulated a treasure of happiness…Why is it that we keep looking for bigger things in life? N ignore the smaller ones… Because nothing will stay with me forever.. nothing.. every tangible form will end , its only the abstract , the unseen which I can call my own, my feelings , my moments of joy , when I just felt that time shall stay and I could go on …
So if life is beautiful today , its in my hands to make it look beautiful forever…
Its what side I want to look at!!!

Me on food..

Food is an important part of our lives…I mean I almost have 4 meals a day including the mid meal munching!!!not to forget…
But what is it that I gotta say about food now that I have started…
Haven’t had a very satisfying meal for days…(the bane of hostel life…)..
But sometimes I think of all that I want to have , and the feeling it gives me when I actually have it.
For e.g eating maggi (with lots of ketchup )when it has rained ..in the cool breeze…gives me a great feeling.. Sometime when I take the first bite of a rich chocolate pastry .i feel heavenly..I mean amazing.. I can anyday gorge on chocolates..

Similarly rajma chawal has its own charm at the end of the day..and Some days I just feel I would nt be able to survive unless I get a plate of my favourite veg. chowmien…
And most of the times I miss home cooked food!!Really miss that..Dont understand what is it with moms that makes them the best cook in the world…
I equally enjoy the hot parathas as much as an Italian pasta..the melting butter on the parantha and the cheese on the pasta is just a wonderful sight to look at..n is making my mouth water right now!!!

Recently I stumbled across this concept of utilities..(economics u see)..The consumption of the first product gives the maximum pleasure and it decreases gradually..averaging to a value that defines the price we are ready to pay for that product..
Wow such an “interesting concept”..the reason I am using quotes here is some ppl will relate it to something…n get their bit of humour out of it..

Humour…such an important ingredient to keep me going! Imagine a meal that comprise of humour , wit, fun, some good experiences(like having chocolates all day ), lots of laughter n smiles..and great pals for company...that would be an ideal thing to have!!
And what if it is forever..everlasting…
Wow!! I am already hungry…