The IIM Journey..

Part 1- The exam

My last year has been full of strange experiences..
I couldn’t really understand what I wanted from life somehow..Had just got a project to work on so got so engrossed in that I thot designing chips was the best thing I could have done.The enthu I had when it started was splendid..me trying to beat all the deadlines..trying hard to excel in whatever way I can..do it differently n innovate…
How hard I stressed myself for that..And then when it got over I had news that there was another project waiting for me! N Priyanka was so sweet n encouraging to tell me that I go for a bigger block..Even I dint have that much of faith in myself as she did!! Really thank her for makin my time fsl so nice…
And then by mid 2006 I was again suffering from the.. “What shud I do with life syndrome”.the second project had started but in the initial phase work was not that hectic..So my mind had all the liberty to run once again on the thinking sprees..that I go on..I call it “Thinking in Zero” or in hindi..”Shoonya mein dekhna” ..Mom gets really pissed off with me because of this..and esp with the questions that follow after that..
And then the CAT forms came out in the market..The last years dejection was playing on my mind.I had prepared , joined coaching classes ..still couldn’t make it..It had been humiliating with me thinking that I probably didn’t deserve it at all.sometimes we shud let go of things …So I filled the form again..just like that.Had no plans at all.But thought would give it a try again.N this time on my own.So started doing some preliminary work.Working on the quant problems and stuff..
But I guess, God had other plans for me! Work became hectic, n I took up other tasks in office.Came October and I hadn’t completed much of the syllabus.And October is a celebration month for me( for all those who don’t know ,my birthday is in October)..
There were people who were making plans for life..who were taking decisions , who were thinking about life ahead ..n there was me who was just going on with the flow..no control on life.As if I had accepted that I would be designing chips for the rest of my life..get married ..have kids n live happily ever after…

Came November ..and I was still not sure but I did honour the last week before the exam..but this time I had no fears..This time I had nothing to prove.No preparations to back up my failures.No regrets for not studying coz I was actually not bothered…
And on the D day I was not at all nervous..coz had nothing to lose.I was not prepared.I was just goin to solve some problems n come back.My mom dad had planned a movie for the evening.This string of aiming for life ahead was ready to be broken…I was goin to do that!!Thinking that probably if I end the other options I would still go in one direction!!
The exam centre was bustling with activity.The studs n bonds giving advice to the meek , the 99% percentiles in the mocks predicting the question paper , the distribution of marks, even the cut offs…
Man..I was enjoying the sight..the expressions were so varied to analyse that for some time I forgot that I was there to take n exam.the best part was spotting people from my office..And the reactions I got from them .Some of them failed to recognize me also!! N I felt bad.(I really don’t like when people ignore me..)
Anyways, my confidence n my smile was not leaving me that day at all.. Even I was surprised..When I saw the paper , I held it firmly..(unlike last year when I was trembling..).And set my agenda for the next 2.5hrs..that I will solve as much as I can..No panic this time.it went on smoothly..And I was happy when I came out of the exam hall that I had fared >= than last year!I thought so! And without the prep even gave me a sense of greater achievement. Had no hopes of making it this year as well.but was happy that I had cut the last chord that my mind used hold on to and wander around!!!
Yes I had reduced my options…