On Trust!!

“I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much.” -- Mother Teresa

Such is life..

You wake up one morning ,with the will to take on the world , thinking that today is a new day and I shall start all over again! With learnings from the past , I move on. And then as the day unfolds I realise that things are not going my way again! Sometimes , I get helpless and don’t know what to say , what to do , when Murphy’s law starts taking its toll on me! Me being the subject! And Murphy mocking at me and playing his tricks!
When the struggle between ideology and reality is won by reality! When I think something , do something and the final interpretation is something completely different. When suddenly it seems that it would be difficult to go on! When my faith in my own capabilities starts shattering, when I seem to be misunderstood everywhere! Whatever we do comes back to us , so then I feel how could I be so wrong somewhere? That all this is happening to me! Must have been a real sinner or a criminal and I curse myself for reasons even not clear to me! They say whatever happens , is for our good! So I try to find the goodness in everything! Probably a consolation that the next day will be a better one. But today is over! Another day of failures to teach me the lessons of life.And as the night paints the sky black , I look up in hope that a new day will come ! When I’ll have more control on life! And that is how it goes on ,
May be one day all this wont matter to me much,
but right now i am waiting for the Midas' touch,
such is life , life is such…

Who is there Beside?

As the darkness shrouds the light
The clock shows the time,its night
The soul wanders in the mist
Looking for a safe place to hide
Suddenly it senses,
Someone is standing beside.

When the whole world seems an illusion
when my picture of self faces discoloration
The spirit feels, feels orphaned without a guide
When diffidence takes its stride
I still wonder ,
Who is standing beside?

Then hope conquers all fears
Then laughter vanquishes all tears
When He rescues my incarcerated spirit
And takes it to a higher limit
When words lose significance and emotions are tacit
When his lambency shatters the blanket of night
And my wings flutter now , they are untied
There is no one ,
nobody is standing beside
Then I hear him call me but cant find him
I can still hear ,
This time the voices are coming from Inside

The thin line

There’s a thin line between …

What I want to be and want not
My freedom and my limitations

Love and fatal attraction
Jealousy and envy

Self respect and self pity
Aplomb and complacency

An everlasting caress and a life long scar
A memory for life and a moment of happiness
A soul mate and a companion..

There’s a thin line between my resilience and my flexibility..

Here I come...

Another crossroad in this journey called life,
Another choice to make , another test to pass..
Another story strung up in my garland of tales,
Do I stand and look back at the path I treaded?
Or I move ahead,
Taking the memories of a lifetime with me,
What do I carry forward from here?
Darkness and scars or the canvass I painted with hope ..
Trailers of the past or dreams for the future?

Whatever happened , was meant to be..and
Whatever was worth , was worth all the while..
A few hearts broken , some lessons learnt
Time is the power player here, it changes so frequently,
And now it has put me to a new direction,
Towards a new horizon,

I don’t know whether I am right or wrong,
I have memories to retrospect ,
Snapshots to cherish and the road ahead to move on…
Here I come!

Ground Zero

Sometimes I wonder that our mind just rambles so much. So many parts are clustered in one little 2kgs of mass which is the topic of study for so many people. But still so much of it is hidden from our selves. Sometimes when I am in the midst of a conversation one part of the mind is concentrating on the current discussion, another part is thinking of an experience I recently had and the plethora of emotions following it . The other part is wandering in the fantasy world which is the doorway to my hidden desires , those which are within me, those I would never like to tell anybody . Those that our only mine. Another part is planning for the future , what after this , where do I go from here? What lies ahead . Another part is analyzing the behavior of those around me, and trying to make sense out of the unspoken words. Looking at the new attire of the person and longing for same , thinking of my favorite food that I ate such a long time ago, planning to buy a new pair of shoes may be…

Sometimes people ask me the cliché question ..”What are you thinking ?” and my answer goes – Nothing –just blank!
I don’t think I am honest when I say that! May be I don’t want to express the thoughts then, may be it’s the sinful part of the mind that is on work at that moment or may be the very personal space I don’t want to keep to myself!

But what it would be like to have a mind without any thoughts , I sometimes call it looking in the zero!What would have been the state when I was born? What is going in the mind of a new born life that has just entered this puzzle called life? Will I ever experience that state , when my mind will be sans thoughts , sans people , sans judgements , sans opinions….sans Substance….

Facts of Life..

I am listing down some facts which I have always found true in the events I have witnessed around me, in my experiences!
These are only applicable to me and that’s how they are here! Any resemblance to anybody is purely co incidental..

1) When it rains then the whole environment tends to get happier! As if the nature wants us all to get happier ..Forget all the pre occupations we have all the stress and just feel the soothing effect on us!! The rain has always elevated my mood however dull I may feel! And one of the best things of coming to Bangalore is the rain here! It just rains for no reason here ! Amazing it is.
2) A majority of people in this world are more concerned about other’s lives than their own! Because probably they enjoy seeing other people also suffer. And in most of the times they can’t stand the fact that somebody is happier than them. Human psyche it is, we feel better to think of someone who is on a lower ground as we are! And a lot of thinkers and wise men also propagate the fact..It amuses me!!! Each one of us has a story of life and everybody is interested in knowing other’s stories rather that making theirs’ a fairy tale..
3) Some times in life you come across your alter ego!! When u see those things happening that you had anticipated to say or do! Its really weird, coz then u feel that somehow your thoughts are being read by someone else!! Suddenly somebody very identical to you in the thought processes will know whats on your mind!

4) If I long for something for a long time then whenever I get that, it tends to loose its charisma! Just the next moment. Like simple things such as a good nights sleep after the exams! I was literally longing to sleep for at least 24hrs after the mid terms!! But I ended up staying awake the whole night.
5) The best philosophy that keeps me happy is not to expect anything from anyone, so in a way whatever you get back is a bonus. I have started following this religiously and it really helps.
6) In the matters of conflict between the heart and the mind, I always want to follow my heart but most of the times end up choosing the latter which I regret later!!
7) I feel love is the most misunderstood and over rated word which we use so often and replace ably for so many other expressions! Don’t know how sense that made!
8) I feel the biggest achievement for me will be to transform a life and touch a few hearts(very few ).My biggest treasure is the trust and faith that people who matter to me have in me , no matter what I do!