Who is there Beside?

As the darkness shrouds the light
The clock shows the time,its night
The soul wanders in the mist
Looking for a safe place to hide
Suddenly it senses,
Someone is standing beside.

When the whole world seems an illusion
when my picture of self faces discoloration
The spirit feels, feels orphaned without a guide
When diffidence takes its stride
I still wonder ,
Who is standing beside?

Then hope conquers all fears
Then laughter vanquishes all tears
When He rescues my incarcerated spirit
And takes it to a higher limit
When words lose significance and emotions are tacit
When his lambency shatters the blanket of night
And my wings flutter now , they are untied
There is no one ,
nobody is standing beside
Then I hear him call me but cant find him
I can still hear ,
This time the voices are coming from Inside

The thin line

There’s a thin line between …

What I want to be and want not
My freedom and my limitations

Love and fatal attraction
Jealousy and envy

Self respect and self pity
Aplomb and complacency

An everlasting caress and a life long scar
A memory for life and a moment of happiness
A soul mate and a companion..

There’s a thin line between my resilience and my flexibility..

Here I come...

Another crossroad in this journey called life,
Another choice to make , another test to pass..
Another story strung up in my garland of tales,
Do I stand and look back at the path I treaded?
Or I move ahead,
Taking the memories of a lifetime with me,
What do I carry forward from here?
Darkness and scars or the canvass I painted with hope ..
Trailers of the past or dreams for the future?

Whatever happened , was meant to be..and
Whatever was worth , was worth all the while..
A few hearts broken , some lessons learnt
Time is the power player here, it changes so frequently,
And now it has put me to a new direction,
Towards a new horizon,

I don’t know whether I am right or wrong,
I have memories to retrospect ,
Snapshots to cherish and the road ahead to move on…
Here I come!

Ground Zero

Sometimes I wonder that our mind just rambles so much. So many parts are clustered in one little 2kgs of mass which is the topic of study for so many people. But still so much of it is hidden from our selves. Sometimes when I am in the midst of a conversation one part of the mind is concentrating on the current discussion, another part is thinking of an experience I recently had and the plethora of emotions following it . The other part is wandering in the fantasy world which is the doorway to my hidden desires , those which are within me, those I would never like to tell anybody . Those that our only mine. Another part is planning for the future , what after this , where do I go from here? What lies ahead . Another part is analyzing the behavior of those around me, and trying to make sense out of the unspoken words. Looking at the new attire of the person and longing for same , thinking of my favorite food that I ate such a long time ago, planning to buy a new pair of shoes may be…

Sometimes people ask me the cliché question ..”What are you thinking ?” and my answer goes – Nothing –just blank!
I don’t think I am honest when I say that! May be I don’t want to express the thoughts then, may be it’s the sinful part of the mind that is on work at that moment or may be the very personal space I don’t want to keep to myself!

But what it would be like to have a mind without any thoughts , I sometimes call it looking in the zero!What would have been the state when I was born? What is going in the mind of a new born life that has just entered this puzzle called life? Will I ever experience that state , when my mind will be sans thoughts , sans people , sans judgements , sans opinions….sans Substance….

Facts of Life..

I am listing down some facts which I have always found true in the events I have witnessed around me, in my experiences!
These are only applicable to me and that’s how they are here! Any resemblance to anybody is purely co incidental..

1) When it rains then the whole environment tends to get happier! As if the nature wants us all to get happier ..Forget all the pre occupations we have all the stress and just feel the soothing effect on us!! The rain has always elevated my mood however dull I may feel! And one of the best things of coming to Bangalore is the rain here! It just rains for no reason here ! Amazing it is.
2) A majority of people in this world are more concerned about other’s lives than their own! Because probably they enjoy seeing other people also suffer. And in most of the times they can’t stand the fact that somebody is happier than them. Human psyche it is, we feel better to think of someone who is on a lower ground as we are! And a lot of thinkers and wise men also propagate the fact..It amuses me!!! Each one of us has a story of life and everybody is interested in knowing other’s stories rather that making theirs’ a fairy tale..
3) Some times in life you come across your alter ego!! When u see those things happening that you had anticipated to say or do! Its really weird, coz then u feel that somehow your thoughts are being read by someone else!! Suddenly somebody very identical to you in the thought processes will know whats on your mind!

4) If I long for something for a long time then whenever I get that, it tends to loose its charisma! Just the next moment. Like simple things such as a good nights sleep after the exams! I was literally longing to sleep for at least 24hrs after the mid terms!! But I ended up staying awake the whole night.
5) The best philosophy that keeps me happy is not to expect anything from anyone, so in a way whatever you get back is a bonus. I have started following this religiously and it really helps.
6) In the matters of conflict between the heart and the mind, I always want to follow my heart but most of the times end up choosing the latter which I regret later!!
7) I feel love is the most misunderstood and over rated word which we use so often and replace ably for so many other expressions! Don’t know how sense that made!
8) I feel the biggest achievement for me will be to transform a life and touch a few hearts(very few ).My biggest treasure is the trust and faith that people who matter to me have in me , no matter what I do!

Colourful Emotions…

I love colours around me..
Each of them offers a different emotional high to me!..
Black— dunno why they call black to be the devils' colour..it has a very distinctive n stylish elegance to it.. It gives me the spirit to lead! N I feel the most confident when I wear black!! Somehow it infuses that in me!! Mom doesn’t like me wear black.. though..

White:- Wow.sometimes I wish everything around me would turn white. It feels so pure..It seems as if I get to make the rules now. Write whatever I want on the book of life. Actually white represents the gap between the radical mind and the impetuous heart. And I fill it with lots of smiles and not allow tears anywhere.I fill it with honesty , and leave no room for hypocrisy and malice. White infuses a serene kind of satisfaction in me!!Oh how much I admire the sensuality of Simi Garewal for her unending love for whites..

Green:- Few of my friends even branded me a Pakistani for my affinity to the green colour! But green to me, is so lively and optimistic. The freshly washed trees with the rain, the beautiful fields all clad in green give me a lot of hope! To fight and to stand up against all odds. Just like they do! Green to me , represents youth! And the power that the young minds have.

Yellow:- Yellow represents brightness. It represents light. Once I tried looking straight at the sun , and how it stared back at me. I feel the sun is the most powerful thing in this universe.And so yellow reminds to tap the hidden potential.And explore continuously! There is always room for improvement!

Pink:- Pink simply feels innocent. The new born babies are pink in colour. Oh how beautiful the tiny fingers and the even more miniature finger nails look. I am thinking of the time when I first looked at my nephew when he was born. It was the most beautiful emotion I had ever experienced. Remember every bit of it. Pink is simply unblemished and angelic, just like a life that has just come into existence.

Red:- Red is so fiery. I like it though. Somehow it induces a superiority feeling in me! Weird it is though.

Oh I missed the most important one:- Blue- Blue is as magnanimous as the deep blue oceans. It has larger than life image.Subtle but supreme!! That’s what blue is!

There are so many colors now as I have started thinking of them.Some blended to make new ones .Just like relations in life.Some we cherish forever and some teach us so many thing. All of them blended together make up the canvas of life.

The beautiful rain

Its raining today.. raining since evening.
The weather has become colder. And as I look out in the dark , the water making its impact on the ground. The trees staring silently , the birds all crouching in the branches , the darkness taking its toll. Its all silent out today.Nature having a good time and me a mere spectator. As if it has control on everybody today!
Sometimes I feel , so small infront of the big universe around me! The rain , the trees , the night , the sun , the dawn , the sunset ..All have so much power .And me , so powerless.At times I have felt so helpless when I sense some other control on me!When what I want to do is not what I actually end up doing.When emotions take control of the mind.When the conflict between the heart and mind is won by the heart.But I think emotions are more honest than the mind!The mind manipulates..according to some unreasonable norms of right and wrong!!
But it’s the heart which is a true reflection of the persona!!!
I am still thinking while its the raining continues ..
Emotions overcoming the mind!!Pouring from all over within and taking control today!No more artificial thinking ..plain truth !
Its still raining outside…