I aint no RAT!!!

So here goes the blabber again…this time inspired by the recent placement season in college and certain bitter realities of the ways of the “elite management institute” of the country, hosting the crème della crème of the best brains !! Superlatives and the impact they have… I am back.

The placements went decently in college , and we saw the trends , the requirements , the preferences and the ups and downs which every newspaper must have talked about . Yes, the much sought after “crore” package might have been given . Frankly , didn’t interest me who got it and how much so I m not mentioning it here!!

But what was even more interesting was the changing trends. It seemed that the bankers wanted to be consultants because of the fear in the arena ! Even the so called “studs” were ready to compromise!! What followed this event was the choice of courses in the next term! Inconsistency , struggle for recognition and compromise seems to be the trademark of the place. Well , honestly , I am no different than the crowd and neither do I want certificates from any body here!

But there is no use of this struggle as long as it is directed externally. I have changed my path , and I will no longer entertain this uncalled for change !! I know I say a lot of things. And not all of them I follow. May be a mistake in self analysis. Infact that is the toughest thing to do . To accept one’s shortcoming and fallacies ! Actions depend on situations! Even for me , sometimes 2+2 is a 5 and not 4 ..(that’s an over rating I give to places and people) ..

What is the power of self , if it changes in situations?? That ‘s flabbergasting , yes that is stupefying....But that is the most common occurrence here!! Infact , statistically I would rate a 10/10 to these aberrations. And I aint no party to this anymore!! So I need a break from this rat race ..( dunno if I was ever good enough to be a part of it ..)

But yes , it is good fun watching it from the other side.

What lies ahead from here, well , I really don’t know!

I have dreams which I want to realize ,they are like the flowers which will blossom in spring!!

So if this is the autumn , then I am all geared up for the breeze with my canvas of future and my own colors..and the battle goes on ! But in this race , the winner wont be a rat!!

“My share of the world is my life and I am not negotiating on that.”

You’ll never Walk Alone

Yet another day when I’m in those moods, introspecting so here goes the blabber, for I have this place to pour it out. May be as one of my friends rightly put it, these emotions within make better stories. After all misery sells better than happiness… Not that I am not happy in life and in a miserable state..(I leave this question for the time being) But never had I thought before entering through the portals of this “weird jungle” that I shall be reduced to a mere spectator, observing people chase their dreams, fight for survival, thinking when will I see the sunshine , the light that will lead me to the path I want to tread on.

Just bumped into the thought of whether life is a dumb trick!! Either you find yourself hankering for something you so badly wanted to own, or you end up bemoaning what you are in. Thinking you could have probably turned the world around had you got one more chance. But the bitter truth is, it wouldn’t have made any difference either. The optimist in me (who currently is on a sabbatical I guess) says whatever happens is for our good and keeps me going.

But there are times when the kid inside rebels, for reason and objectivity. But then the world doesn’t run on reason all the time! The grey areas just seem to cloud it all.

Recently I have been made a mentor to some students who are “MBA Aspirants” and as they ask me how to go about things, I really feel whether or not I am the right person to tell them? Since even I was not sure which wave brought me to this island where the struggle for survival and the associated pressure just do not seem to cease? But life outside is even tougher is what they say! So which side of the game will I land up in? Game, yes that is what we all are a part of, and I am keen to know my score at this one! But I am not sure whether I‘ll get to play my moves or not!!

Scientifically we all are looking for an equilibrium state. And I know I’m not the only one fighting. This is a contention against precariousness, against the conflicts within. Sometimes I feel who are we fighting against? May be the most powerful weapon is time…

But currently I don’t think it is on my side….

The dreamer within again rests humming these words---

When you walk through a storm
Hold your head up high
And don't be afraid of the dark
At the end of the storm
Is a golden sky
And the sweet silver song of a lark

Walk on through the wind
Walk on through the rain
Though your dreams be tossed and blown
Walk on, walk on
With hope in your hearts
And you'll never walk alone
You'll never walk alone
You'll never walk alone

- Gerry & the Pace Makers

Take on B school!

The other day some relative of mine wanted some tips on how to crack CAT and how life has changed in a B school. I told her , honestly even I don’t know what brought me here and what is keeping me here , so ended up giving her some advice which I myself was not sure of still pretended as if that was the best for her to do. A typical consulting scenario. That’s what this place has made me. We have learnt to compromise in some way with the way things turn up for us.

Personally I feel as confused as I was when I came here even today on what to do. There’s something about the place may be, it just forces us all to be what we are not! I realized it in one week, tried to keep myself away from the bug, but for how long is what worries me! When I saw people changing in split seconds, focus and loyalties changing, as if a complete restructure had occurred. Strange it has been!

They say B school is all about the knowledge you gain, not just inside the classroom but more on the outside! I completely agree with it! Think this is one belief that has not been broken yet. Apart from that, the hype, the hollowness of this sphere and the reality inside is little worrying! Do they make good managers?

When people get evaluated on their skills to retain the X line written in the Y course packet of the Z subject,
When choices of subjects is governed by the amount of grade point they can make,
When behaviors change around us at the rate of thousands of emotions per second and you don’t know who to trust,
When you receive the biggest blow on your confidence and still are ready to fight it out,
When sleep stops coming to you and you can’t sleep even though you want to,
When the conflict between your hopes and achievements becomes stronger,
When you compromise your own self to live up to a set of expectations and end up doing something you never thought you could ever do,
That’s when you realize, you are in a B – school…
Don’t know how much of it has occurred to me though! And don’t know the extent to which it will go!
The fight as I said!! Is ON

Just Like That!!

So finally it has sunk in! I have nothing more to loose now. Anyway I go from here on has to be upwards. But to think of it , why did I enter the B school in the first place? Just like that , comes the reply if I put this question to myself. Was I even prepared for it? Was the timing right? Still many more questions need to be answered and I’m trying to figure that out.
The base is not right may be. Why Engineering first? I asked again , Just like that comes the reply. Not that I was some harbinger of a technological breakthrough. So then why? And after 4 years of reassurance that it was not my calling , why the core technical job? Just like that again!!
Strange are the ways of life. I don’t know how choices are made. Marketing tells me , it is based on some marginal valuation of utility. But how to decide the reference point? Economics makes more sense may be especially the law of diminishing returns. After we achieve a target , it looses its value. How much effort I may have put to reach my goal, it looses importance once I get there. Why then do I play this dangerous game again. I keep running after something , knowing it will loose its charm in the end. Still we are all running!

Time and again , which way will I go now? What lies ahead! What am I striving for?
I am running again…

But why?
Just like that ! Comes the reply!!

Circle of Life!

As I stand at this crossroad,
Waiting to choose my direction
I recall I was here, not very long ago,
As if it were some reflection

It’s like the chorus of a song,
The sound of the chime
Life is one full circle
Comes back with time

I chose the path most trodden
Not knowing where it would lead
Nurture hopes of the world around me
Apprehensive whether I would succeed

But didn’t take much time to realize
That it was a misfit
And trust & honesty were,
But meaningless words
I moved on with my set of wounds
Longing for a pair of wings
Jealous of birds

To fly away in the vastness
To go to the land I want
Where nobody questions me
Sans past memories to haunt

But such is the irony of fate
I am brought back to the same gate
The time and context has changed
And so has the emotional state
It all seems same on the outside
“Which way to go now”, echoing inside

Like the chorus of a song, like the sound of the chime
Life is a circle, comes back with time!
Hoping this time I won’t make a mistake
I’ll choose a new path, and call it mine

The summer of 2008…

One week of blood and sweat

Sounds somewhat similar to the famous Summer of 69’ by Bryan Adams—Memorable yes it is indeed
But the inspiration to him wouldn’t have been better than what I have to say! To me the catalyst is an event which is one of the most look forward to as well as one of the most dreaded ones in a place that I am right now in! Didn’t know it will be so full of emotions! Saw the strongest of them break down and the most unexpected stand up to the difficult situations with commendable resilience! It was one experience in itself which I will never forget! As each day passed by I saw so much! So many things I never knew do exist! Sometimes overjoyed at a feat and the very next moment felt terrible at a disappointment! And all of it happening so fast and in cycles that with each day passing by I felt I was a stronger person.
Day zero to 1 – 2 – 3, the energy levels followed a decreasing trend as each day passed by. Saw some people devastated completely, moving from one interview room to another, some still waiting for a chance to be interviewed. All dressed up in business suits with resumes in hand and dreams in their eyes to fulfill. But a lot of these dreams were shattered! There were some surprises and some shocks! But in the end what stood out was the spirit with which the whole batch got together. Each one was standing up for their friends, some volunteering to help the seniors who were there with us throughout! I would not mention the figures, neither the companies here as I know they were the best to be reported to any news channel but none of them would know the hard work that people put in to make that happen. I had only heard of the experiences of a summer placement process at an IIM. Now I can say that one has to experience it to know what it is.
Met many new people, made new friends, and realized that it is better not to keep many expectations because you never know what life has in store for you. So be ready to accept what life offers you and and then give it your best shot. I have learnt a lot of “Globe-ing” here I guess, but that is how I will put it!

Would thank all those who stood by each other and all those who put in efforts for us!! I am already 1/6th of an MBA and there’s so much more to learn here and so much to absorb!!!

One superb show!!

Micheal Scofield- Prison Break!!
A must watch!!